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God2

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I
have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say
one
thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solution to
your
problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I will put them
with
my two male talking parrots to whom I have taught to pray and read the
bible.

My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible
phrase, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's
house.

The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in
their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male
talking Parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're hot. Do you
want a
date?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and screams, "Put
your
Bible away Idiot, our prayers have been answered!!!!!!!" 

 

God1

One day Lord shiva decided to visit the earth and try

some alcohol. So he changed his get-up and went to a

bar in Delhi and asked the bartender : "What all do u

have". Bartender : "We have whisky, rum, vodka, gin,

beer etc etc.".

 

Lord Shiva: "Let's try whisky first, give me 5 bottles

of whisky".

After having 5 bottles of whisky, Lord shiva decided

to try Rum.

Bartender was shocked :"Who is this man, after having

5 bottles of whisky, he is still on his feet".

After having 5 bottles of Rum, Shiva decided to have beer.

After having 40 bottles of beer, he asked the bartender for Gin.

 

Bartender couldn't stop himself asking him : "Sir,

who are you?? I have seen people getting drunk after

having 4 glasses of whisky, and you'vealmost had 50

bottles and you are still on your feet, who are

you"???

 

Lord Shiva : "VATS, Hum Bhagwaan Shiv hain".

 

Bartender : AB CHADHI ISKO!!!

 

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Relation19

The Perfect Murder

 

 

You don’t need guns or bombs to kill a man,

Consider the case of my friend and Suzanne,

Three steps is all it took for pretty little her,

To pull all of what’s called the perfect murder.

 

The first step was the hesitant glance,

Not a knife or an old rusted lance.

The look tore through my friend’s heart,

Just a charming look, no poisoned darts.

 

The second step was the silent yes,

In her mother’s old black college dress,

All she said was you are the one,

Just a yes, not even a shot from a gun.

 

The last step was the tearless goodbye,

But he was still not ready to die,

He bravely refused to be her kill,

Grasped for breath, his sweet poison pill.

 

So she did what she had to do,

She had to see the job through,

She released her weapon for the final blow,

The look in his dead eyes, I wish I could show.

A look of shock and a helpless plea,

The perfect weapon was she with me.

 

Relation26

Six Classic Affairs     
 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
   
The 1st Affair: 
 
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
 
One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, 
they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. 
 
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside 
and rub them in the grass and dirt. 
 
He put on his shoes and drove home.
 
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
 
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my 
secretary. We loved all afternoon." 
 
"You lying bastard!
 
You've been playing golf!" 
 
      
 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 
The 2nd Affair: 
 
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked 
about having a son. 
 
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. 
 
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
 
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
 
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. 
 
He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. 
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling 
around behind my back?" 
 
The wife smiled sweetly and 
 
replied, "! Not this time!" 
 
   
 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 
The 3rd Affair: 
 
A mortician was working late one night.
 
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a 
startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever 
seen! 
 
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician 
 
commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive 
private part. It must! be saved for posterity."
 
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. 
 
"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife, 
opening his briefcase.
 
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!" 
 
   
 
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
 
 
The 4th Affair: 
 
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening 
the front door. 
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." 
 
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
 
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue." 
 
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. 
 
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it 
so much I got one for us, too."
 
No more was said, not even when they went to bed. 
 
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a 
sandwich and a beer. 
 
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two 
days at the Smith's 
 
and nobody offered me a damned thing." 
 
   
 
 
  
 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
  
 
The 5th Affair: 
 
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
 
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent." 
 
"One Cent?" the man thought.
 
He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and 
a bottle of wine?"
 
"A nickel," 
 
the barman replied. 
 
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" 
 
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
 
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" 
 
The bartender replied,
 
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here." 
 
      
 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
The 6th Affair: 
 
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
 
He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess." 
 
"There's no need to," his wife replied.
 
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, 
your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
 
"I know, I already know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the 
poison work."
Six Classic Affairs 
 
      
 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Relation3

 

 

 

Love Marriage

Arranged Marriage

Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set of functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.

Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.

 

 

Family system hangs because hardware (called Parents ) is not responding.

Compatible with hardware ( Parents).

You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.

You are a team member under project leader (parents) so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.

Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.

All these features are covered in the SRS (System Req. Specification) as required features.

 

 

Love Marriage is like Windows, beautiful n seductive.... Yet one never knows when it will crash....

Arranged Marriage is like Unix .... boring n colorless... still extremely reliable n robust.

 

 

 

Relation17

 

MIStakes

If a barber makes a mistake,

It's a

 

...

...

New Style




If a driver makes a mistake,

It is an

 

...

Accident

 

 




If a engineer makes a mistake,

It is a

 

...

New Venture

 

 




If parents makes a mistake,

It is a

 

...

New generation

 

 




If a politician makes a mistake,

It is a

 

...

New Law




If a scientist makes a mistake,

It is a

 

New Invention

 

 




If a tailor makes a mistake,

It is a

 

...

New Fashion

 

 




If a teacher makes a mistake ,

It is a

 

...

New Theory

 

 




If our boss makes a mistake,

It is our

 

...

Mistake

 

 

 

 

 

 




If an employee makes a mistake,

It is a Mistake

...