Fun81
Ehsaan Khureshi at his Best
For all those who want to recall the sweet memories of Great Indian Laughter Challenge 1 or missed this special episode:
Ek din, main Delhi pahuncha,
Station pe ek coolie se bahar jane ka rasta pooncha.
Coolie ne kaha: "Bahar jaake poocho."
Maine khud hi rasta dhundh liya,
Bahar jaake taxiwale se pooncha: "Bhai saab Lal Kile ka kitna loge?"
Jawab mila: "Bechna nahi hai."
Taxi chod, maine bus pakad li, Conductor se pooncha: "Ji, kya mein cigarette pi sakta hoon?"
Wo gurrra kar bola: "Hargiz nahi, yaha cigarette pina mana hai."
Maine kaha: "Par wo janab to pi rahe hai!"
Phir se gurrrraya: "Usne mujhse pooncha nahi hai."
Lal Kile pahucha, hotel gaya.
Manager se kaha: "Mujhe room chahiye, satvi manzil pe."
Manager ne kaha: "Rahane ke liye ya koodne ke liye?"
Room pahucha, waiter se kaha:"Ek paani ka gilas milega?"
Usne jawab diya: "Nahi sahab, yahan to saare kanch ke milte hain."
Hotel se nikla, dost ke ghar jaane ke liye, Raste me ek sahab se pooncha: "Janab, ye sadak kaha ko jaati hai?"
Janab hans kar bole: "Peechle bees saal se dekh rahan hoon,Yahi padi hai... kahin nahin jaati."
Dost ke ghar pahucha, to mujhe dekhte hi chownk pada, Usne poocha: "Kaise aana hua?"
Ab tak to mujhe bhi aadat pad gayi thi, Maine bhi jawab diya: "Train se."
Meri aaobhagat karne ke liye dost ne apni biwi se kaha:"Areeee sunti ho... mera dost pehli baar ghar aaya hai, Uuse kuch taja taja khilao. Sunte hi bhabhiji ne ghar ki sari khidkiya aur darwaje khol diye. Kaha: "Taji hawa kha lijiye."
Dost ne phir se baday pyar se! ! biwi se kaha: "Areeee sunti ho, inhe jara apna chalis saal purana aachar to dikhana."
Bhabiji ek baatli me rakha aachar le aayi.
Maine bhi apnapan dikhate hue bhabiji se kaha:"Bhabhiji, aachar sirf dikhayengi, chakhayengi nahi?"
Bhabiji ne taak jawab diya: "Yuhi agar sab ko chakhati To aachar chalis saal purana kaise hota?"
Thodi der baad dekha, bhabiji apne potey ko sula rah thi, Saath me lori bhi ga rahi thi: "Diploma so ja, diploma so ja."
Lori soon mein hairan hua aur dost se poocha:"Yaar, ye diploma kya hai?"
Dost ne jawab diya: "Mere grandson ka naam,Beti bambai gayi thi, diploma lene ke liye Aur saath mein ise le aayi, Isiliye hamne iska naam Diploma rakh diya."
Phir maine pooncha: "Aajkal tumhari beti kya kar rahi hai?"
Dost ne jawab diya: "Bambai gayi hai, degree lene ke liye
Fun74
HOW TO CATCH A L I O N
Newton 's Method:
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite
reaction.
Implies you caught lion.
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also
run faster and will get tired soon.
Now you can trap it easily.
Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven
that its a Lion.
If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will
upgrade it to Lion.
Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to
accept that its a lion .
Rajnikanth Method :
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack
anytime.
The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear
itself.
Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and
kill it, while it's sleeping !
Manirathnam Method (director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the
lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.
Keep murmuring something in its ears.
The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
Karan Johar Method (director):
Send a lioness into the forest.
Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.
Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by
another lion.
First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion
loves the 2nd lioness.
But 2nd lioness loves both lions.
Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.
You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15
yrs, then also u wont!
Yash Chopra method (director):
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a
good scenic location.
Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.
Menaka Gandhi method:
Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some
vegetables continuously.
George Bush method:
Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!
Ravi Shastri method:
Ask the lion to bowl at u.
U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run
Lion tired and surrenders
Fun75
Honourable MEN
Must Read for Every Man and of course Woman (to
understand man)
If a female is reading this article then just realize
the value of a man; and if its a male then feel proud
of after reading it!
**************************************************
"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a
tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When
he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are
you crying?"
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into
water, and he needed the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with
a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver
Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave
him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went
home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his
wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the
river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and
asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with
Mallika Sherawat. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth !"
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It
is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to
Mallika Sherawat, You would have come up with Bipasha
Basu. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come
up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have
given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not
able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I
said yes to Mallika Sherawat."
The moral of this story is:
Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable
reason, and for the benefit of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to it! - "WE
HONOURABLE MEN !!!!!!"
Fun72
Virani family
1st generation
* Govardhan 'Baapuji' Virani -- Dilip Thakur, Sudhir Dalvi (DEAD)
* Amba 'Baa' (Govardhan)Virani -- Sudha Shivpuri
2nd generation
* Mansukh (Govardhan)Virani -- Shakti Singh (DEAD)
* Savita (Mansukh)Virani -- Apara Mehta (DEAD)
* Himmat (Govardhan)Virani -- Jitendra Trehan
* Daksha (Himmat)Virani -- Ketki Dave
* Pragya (Govardhan)Virani(Naveen)Sanghvi -- Utkarsha Naik (DEAD)
* Naveen Sanghvi -- (DEAD)
* Jamnadas 'JD'(Govardhan)Virani -- Muni Jha
* Gayatri (Jamnadas)Virani -- Kamalika Guhathakurta
3rd generation
* Tulsi (Mihir)Virani -- Smriti Zubin Irani , Gautami Kapoor
* Mihir (Mansukh)Virani -- Amar Upadhyay, Inder Kumar, Ronit Roy
* Kiran (Mansukh)Virani -- Jiten Lalwani
* Aarti Patel(Kiran)Virani -- Eva Grover, Rushali
* Hemant (Jamnadas)Virani -- Shakti Anand
* Pooja (Hemant)Virani -- Prachi Shah
* Suhasi Virani -- Pooja Ghai Rawal
* Rakesh -- Prashant Bhatt
* Chirag (Himmat)Virani -- Hussain Kuwajerwala, Amit Mistry
* Prajakta Deshmukh(Chirag)Virani -- Tuhinaa Vohra
* Sejal (Jamnadas)Virani(Anand)Gandhi -- Khyati Khandke
* Anand Gandhi -- Romanchak Arora
* Mandira Kapadia(Kiran)Virani(Aditya)Gujral -- Mandira Bedi, Achint Kaur
4th generation
* Gautam (Mihir)Virani -- Sumeet Sachdev
* Teesha Mehta(Gautam)Virani -- Ashlesha Sawant (DEAD)
* Damini Khanna(Gautam)Virani -- Riva Babbar, Ravee Gupta, Riva Babber
* Aniket -- Shabbir Ahluwalia
* Indira 'Indu'(Anand)Gandhi -- Karishma Tanna
* Shobha (Mihir)Virani(Vishal)Mehra -- Ritu Choudhry Seth
* Vishal (Pratap)Mehra -- Rohit Bakshi (DEAD)
* Abhishek -- Vivan Bhatena, Nasir Qazi
* Sahil (Hemant)Virani -- Sandeep Baswana, Amit Sareen, Sandeep Baswana
* Ganga Joshi(Gautam)Virani(Sahil)ViraniJoshi aka Mehta -- Shilpa Saklani Agnihotri
* Karan (Mihir)Virani -- Hiten Tejwani
* Ansh (Mihir)Virani aka(Aditya)Gujral -- Akashdeep Saigal (DEAD)
* Nandini Thakkar(Ansh)Virani(Karan)Virani -- Gauri Pradhan Tejwani
* Tanya Malhotra(Karan)Virani -- Rakshanda Khan
* Shraddha (Ansh)Gujral{posthumously(Ansh)Virani} -- Moonmoon Bannerjee (DEAD)
* Tarun (Hemant)Virani -- Abhijeet Khurana, Alok Arora
* Tushar -- Manoj Bohra, Pradeep Kharab, Samir Sharma
* Karishma (Kiran)Virani(Shantanu)Dey -- Kiran Dubey
* Tripti (Sahil)Virani -- Suvarna Jha
* Harsh (Mihir)Virani -- Mehul Kajaria
* Mohini (Harsh)Virani -- Tasneem Sheikh
* Shantanu Dey -- Narendra Jha
* Vikram (Naveen)Sanghvi -- Rakesh Paul
* Savri (Chirag)Virani --
* Bavri (Chirag)Virani -- Hansika Motwani , Amita Chandekar
5th generation
* Eklavya (Gautam)Virani{born (Ansh)Virani aka Gujral} -- Akashdeep Saigal
* Nakul (Sahil)Virani{born (Gautam)Virani} -- Naman Shaw
* Bhumi (Karan)Virani {nee(Ansh)Virani aka Gujral} -- Chinky Jaiswal, Reshmi Ghosh
* Pushkar (Vishal)Mehra --
* Laksh (Sahil)Virani -- Pulkit Samrat
* Pari (Abhishek) Mehra -- Garima Bhatnagar
* Manthan (Karan and Tanya)Virani -- Amit Tandon
* Archita (Harsh)Virani -- Gunjan
* Mayank (Gautam) Virani -- Rahul Lohani
* Saanjhi --
* Krishnatulsi Virani -- Mouni Roy
* Mihir (Mansukh)Virani -- Amar Upadhyay, Inder Kumar, Ronit Roy
* Kiran (Mansukh)Virani -- Jiten Lalwani
* Aarti Patel(Kiran)Virani -- Eva Grover, Rushali
* Hemant (Jamnadas)Virani -- Shakti Anand
* Pooja (Hemant)Virani -- Prachi Shah
* Suhasi Virani -- Pooja Ghai Rawal
* Rakesh -- Prashant Bhatt
* Chirag (Himmat)Virani -- Hussain Kuwajerwala, Amit Mistry
* Prajakta Deshmukh(Chirag)Virani -- Tuhinaa Vohra
* Sejal (Jamnadas)Virani(Anand)Gandhi -- Khyati Khandke
* Anand Gandhi -- Romanchak Arora
* Mandira Kapadia(Kiran)Virani(Aditya)Gujral -- Mandira Bedi, Achint Kaur
4th generation
* Gautam (Mihir)Virani -- Sumeet Sachdev
* Teesha Mehta(Gautam)Virani -- Ashlesha Sawant (DEAD)
* Damini Khanna(Gautam)Virani -- Riva Babbar, Ravee Gupta, Riva Babber
* Aniket -- Shabbir Ahluwalia
* Indira 'Indu'(Anand)Gandhi -- Karishma Tanna
* Shobha (Mihir)Virani(Vishal)Mehra -- Ritu Choudhry Seth
* Vishal (Pratap)Mehra -- Rohit Bakshi (DEAD)
* Abhishek -- Vivan Bhatena, Nasir Qazi
* Sahil (Hemant)Virani -- Sandeep Baswana, Amit Sareen, Sandeep Baswana
* Ganga Joshi(Gautam)Virani(Sahil)ViraniJoshi aka Mehta -- Shilpa Saklani Agnihotri
* Karan (Mihir)Virani -- Hiten Tejwani
* Ansh (Mihir)Virani aka(Aditya)Gujral -- Akashdeep Saigal (DEAD)
* Nandini Thakkar(Ansh)Virani(Karan)Virani -- Gauri Pradhan Tejwani
* Tanya Malhotra(Karan)Virani -- Rakshanda Khan
* Shraddha (Ansh)Gujral{posthumously(Ansh)Virani} -- Moonmoon Bannerjee (DEAD)
* Tarun (Hemant)Virani -- Abhijeet Khurana, Alok Arora
* Tushar -- Manoj Bohra, Pradeep Kharab, Samir Sharma
* Karishma (Kiran)Virani(Shantanu)Dey -- Kiran Dubey
* Tripti (Sahil)Virani -- Suvarna Jha
* Harsh (Mihir)Virani -- Mehul Kajaria
* Mohini (Harsh)Virani -- Tasneem Sheikh
* Shantanu Dey -- Narendra Jha
* Vikram (Naveen)Sanghvi -- Rakesh Paul
* Savri (Chirag)Virani --
* Bavri (Chirag)Virani -- Hansika Motwani
5th generation
* Eklavya (Gautam)Virani{born (Ansh)Virani aka Gujral} -- Akashdeep Saigal
* Nakul (Sahil)Virani{born (Gautam)Virani} -- Naman Shaw
* Bhumi (Karan)Virani {nee(Ansh)Virani aka Gujral} -- Chinky Jaiswal, Reshmi Ghosh
* Pushkar (Vishal)Mehra --
* Laksh (Sahil)Virani -- Pulkit Samrat
* Pari (Abhishek) Mehra -- Garima Bhatnagar
* Manthan (Karan and Tanya)Virani -- Amit Tandon
* Archita (Harsh)Virani -- Gunjan
* Mayank (Gautam) Virani -- Rahul Lohani
* Saanjhi --
* Krishnatulsi Virani -- Mouni Roy
Fun77
Rules Of The Road, Indian Style
Traveling on Indian Roads is an almost hallucinatory potion of sound, spectacle and experience. It is frequently heart-rending, sometimes hilarious, mostly exhilarating, always unforgettable -- and, when you are on the roads, extremely dangerous.
Most Indian road users observe a version of the Highway Code based on a Sanskrit text. These 11 rules of the Indian road are published for the first time in English.
ARTICLE I:
The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.
ARTICLE II:
Indian traffic, like Indian society, is structured on a strict caste system. The following precedence must be accorded at all times. In descending order, give way to:
Cows, elephants, heavy trucks, buses, official cars, camels, light trucks, buffalo, jeeps, ox-carts, private cars, motorcycles, scooters, auto-rickshaws, pigs, pedal rickshaws, goats, bicycles (goods-carrying), handcarts, bicycles (passenger-carrying), dogs, pedestrians.
ARTICLE III:
All wheeled vehicles shall be driven in accordance with the maxim: to slow is to falter, to brake is to fail, to stop is defeat. This is the Indian drivers' mantra.
ARTICLE IV:
Use of horn (also known as the sonic fender or aural amulet):
1. Cars (IV, 1, a-c):
a. Short blasts (urgent) indicate supremacy, i.e., in clearing dogs, rickshaws and pedestrians from path.
b. Long blasts (desperate) denote supplication, i.e., to oncoming truck: "I am going too fast to stop, so unless you slow down we shall both die". In extreme cases this may be accompanied by flashing of headlights (frantic).
c. Single blast (casual) means: "I have seen someone out of India's 870 million whom I recognise", "There is a bird on the road (which at this speed could go through my windscreen)" or "I have not blown my horn for several minutes."
2. Trucks and buses (IV, 2, a):
a. All horn signals have the same meaning, viz: "I have an all-up weight of approximately 12.5 tons and have no intention of stopping, even if I could." This signal may be emphasised by the use of headlamps.
Article IV remains subject to the provision of Order of Precedence in Article II above.
ARTICLE V:
All manoeuvres, use of horn and evasive action shall be left until the last possible moment.
ARTICLE VI:
In the absence of seat belts (which there is), car occupants shall wear garlands of marigolds. These should be kept fastened at all times.
ARTICLE VII:
1. Rights of way (VII, 1):
Traffic entering a road from the left has priority. So has traffic from the right, and also traffic in the middle.
2. Lane discipline (VII, 2):
All Indian traffic at all times and irrespective of direction of travel shall occupy the centre of the road.
ARTICLE VIII:
Roundabouts: India has no roundabouts. Apparent traffic islands in the middle of crossroads have no traffic management function. Any other impression should be ignored.
ARTICLE IX:
Overtaking is mandatory. Every moving vehicle is required to overtake every other moving vehicle, irrespective of whether it has just overtaken you.
Overtaking should only be undertaken in suitable conditions, such as in the face of oncoming traffic, on blind bends, at junctions and in the middle of villages/city centres. No more than two inches should be allowed between your vehicle and the one you are passing -- and one inch in the case of bicycles or pedestrians.
ARTICLE X:
Nirvana may be obtained through the head-on crash.
ARTICLE XI:
Reversing: no longer applicable since no vehicle in India has reverse gear.
Fun73
A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap
under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were gone.
He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys
and they had taken all his hats. he sits down and thinks of how
he can get the hats down. While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, the monkeys were doing the same. Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea came to him, he took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back.
Fifty years later, his grandson, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor.
He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree. He remembered his grandfather?s words, started scratching his head and the monkeys followed. He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea, he threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats. Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and said
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Guess What????????
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"You think only you have a grandfather?"
Fun80
Side effects of alcohol and remedies!!!
1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the
Drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward
2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.
4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.
5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!
6. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white
And the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.
7. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking at you funny.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.
Fun79
A woman takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly so she puts him in the closet and shuts the door. Her husband also comes home, so she puts her lover in the closet with the little boy.
Boy: Dark in here?
Man: Yes, it is.
Boy: I have a football.
Man: That's nice.
Boy: Want to buy it?
Man: No, thanks.
Boy: My dad's outside.
Man: HOW MUCH?
Boy: ?100.
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and his mother's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: Dark in here?
Man Yes, it is.
Boy: I have football boots.
Man: What?.. *G R O A N* HOW MUCH?
Boy: ?200
Man: FINE!
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your ball and boots son. Let's go outside and kick the ball back and forth." The boy says, "I can't, I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" He tells him, "?300" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that, that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." ... They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confessional and closes the door. The boy says, "Wow, Dark in here." The Priest says, "Don't start that crap again!!"
Fun78
How a girl replies if Himesh proposes;
O huzoor, bhaad me jaaye tera suroor,
surat se hai tu khajoor,
bidi ki factory ka majdoor,
chal hoja door abey langoor!!!!
* * * * * *
Tabiyat theek nahi thi,
Tantrik ko dikhlaaya,
vo bola tumper BHOOT ka saaya hai,
jaaldi se kisi GHOR PAAPI ko SMS karo bilkul thik ho jaogee.
Saachi ab SMS ke baad achaa feel hone lagaa hai.
* * * * * *
Suno gaur se PEPSI walo,
Buri nazar na COKE pe dalo,
Chahe jitna DEW pila lo..
Sabse aage hoga Nimbu paani!!
Humne piyaaa hai????.tum bhi piyo!!!!
* * * * * *
Cycle chalate waqt handle ko dekho
Ladki patate waqt sandle ko dekho
* * * * * *
Kitni hasin ho tum, khud ko duniya ki nazar se bachaya karo
Aankhon mein kaajal lagana hi kaafi nahi?
plz gale mein nimbu-mirchi bhi latkaya karo
* * * * * *
Aati thi . . . Jaati thi
Hasti thi . . . Hasati thi
Dekhti thi . . . Muskurati thi
Bhagti thi . . . Bhagati thi
Ab pata chala? sali bevakuf banati thi
* * * * * *
* * * * * *
Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT: Ticket hai?
Sadhu: Nahin
TT: Chalo
Sadhu: Kahan?
TT: Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha?. Jail mein
* * * * * *
socha rahan hOOn taj mahal banau
socha rahan hOOn taj mahal banau
lekin mumtaz nahi fir kyun banau
lekin mumtaz nahi fir kyun banau
mumtaz mili boli taj mahal baNao
maine bola pehle aapne baap se paise toh lekar aao!!
* * * * * *
* * * * * *
* * * * * *
Santa : Yaar, main apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai? ki devan??
Banta : Gold ring de de
Santa : nai yaar, koi badi cheez das.
Banta : MRF da tyre de de
* * * * * *
Kaun kehta hai pyaar mein pakrey jayenge?
Kaun kehta hai pyaar mein pakrey jayege?
Waqt aane par bhai behen ban jayenge!!!
* * * * * *
EK LADKI THI DEEWANI SI.......... ......... ....
EK SUBJECT PE WO MARTI THI......... ......... ...
BOOKS UTHAKAR, CHASHMA LAGAKAR..... .........
LIBRARY SE GUZARTI THI......... ......... ........
KUCHH PADNA THA SHAYAD USKO........ .....
JAANE KISSE DARTI THI......... ......... .....
JAB BHI MILTI THI MUJHSE,..... ......... ....
MUJHSE POOCHHA KARTI THI......... .........
ENGG. KAISE HOTI HAI......... ......... ......
YE ENGG. KAISE HOTI HAI......... ......... ......... ..
AUR MEIN BAS ITNA KEH PATA THA......... ......... ..
"KITABEN KHULI HON YA HON BAND
PADHAI LAST NIGHT HI HOTI HAI
KAISE KAHOON MAIN O YAARA YE
ENGG. AISE HI HOTI HAI......
Fun76
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Leaves and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
So a kabab is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain?
Eat chicken.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.
Its only the misconception, that narrow minded people have. So, Bottoms up!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable ! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had About food and diets..........
Issued in public interest!!
Fun71
Try This one
P lace your mouse on the K below and drag to the R .
Kaam Kar KaamchoR
Please forward this to everyone you know .
====
Fun69
This is a conversation that took place between a person in the public (Y)
and a marketing guy(X)
X: Which shaving cream do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which aftershave do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which deodorant do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which toothpaste do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which shampoo do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which socks do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which vests do you use?
Y: Baba's
X (Frustrated): Okay, tell me, What is this Baba? Is it an international
company???
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..
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Y: No, He is my roommate
Cheers to all the bachelors of the world!!!!
Married people (or soon-to-get-married) can observe 2 minutes of silence to
mourn the loss of this privilege.
Fun66
ekdum....mumbaiyya.....ishtyle..
Julie aur Sulie do ben log rehta hai. Ben
log
maane.........judwaa.
Lekin dono main fark bole to solid. Julie
ekdum
Smart,
bole to jhakaas rapchik piece aur Sulie bole
to
ekdum halki re.
To kya hota hai maloom Sulie thee bachpan
se,
woh kya bolte hain
usko..Stubborn ..bole to ekdam yedi,
jiddi....
rehti hai.
To julie jo bhi maangti hai na...Sulie ko
woh
maangta-ich hai.
Julie ko gudiya mili to Sulie ko bhi maangta
tha...
Julie ko kangan mila to Sulie ko bhi mangta
hai.....
Aisa karte karte bees saal guzar gaya.
To na, Julie ka shaadi ekdum karodpati ladka
ke
saath
hota hai. Aur Sulie ek fatichar funtoosh se
shaadi banatha hai.
Shaadi ke baad Julie Fridge leti hai baap.
Sulie bhi pati se fridge maangtihai.
Pati salla bechara garibmanus.
Lekin biwi ko khush karne ke waaste woh
Fridge
khareed leta hai.
Abhi Julie agle mahine Air Conditioner
khareed
dalti hai.
Sulie bhi jidd karti hai baap.
Kya Bolti Malum: AC nahin liya to khud ko
tapka
daloongi.
Pati bechara aur paise markeet se udhaar
leta
hai aur
AC khareed leta hai......! ..
Ab Julie car khareedti hai.
Suliebhi jidd karti hai.
Pati ka dimaag satak-ta hai lekin phir bhi
saala karega kya,
baap ka zameen bech dalta hai aur gaadi
khareedta hai.
Thode dinon ke baad Julie gaadi bech ke bus
khareedti hai. Sulie bhi jidd karti hai....
Abhi pati solid bhadakta hai baap.
Bolta hai "Ae item, ab dhimaag ka dahi mat
bana..bahut ho gaya tera
natak. Abhi apun tera ek nahin sunega. Apun
jaa
rahela hai kya, yeda
samjha hai kya, To Sulie ko shorke woh chala
jaata hai.
Sulie lekin apni gaadi bechkar aur paisa
market
se uthakar bus khareed
leti hai......
To Julie aur Sulie apne apne bus main Ek din
picnic ko jaata hai.
Bus ko park karke ! woh log ghoomne phirne ko
jaata hai.
Wapas aake dekhta hai to saala dono bus main
steering wheel gaayab,seat
gaayab, gear gaayab...sab kuch ghayab!!
Sulie julie ko dekhti hai aur kuch to bolti
hai...........
Abhi Ekdum simple koschan: Sulie Julie ko
kya
bolti
hai??
* * Ye tu bhol-na * * * * *
* * * Abe soch...... * * *
* * * dhimag kaam nahi kar rehla hai kya? *
* *
* * * Haar maan gaya kya??? * * *
* * * Accha chal bolich dalta hoon: * * *
" NA KUCH TERE BUS MEIN JULIE........ NA
KUCH
MERE BUS MEIN..."
ae bhidu log, apun ko gaali nahi dene ka kya
?,
aur apun ke upar gussa nai karne ka?
Apun ko bhi kisi ne yeh bhej kar apna bheja
kharab kiyela hai. Tere ko lage to tu bhi kisi
ka
bheja kharab kar. par apun ka
nahi............samja kya.........!!!.
Fun64
Kya hota hain ek baar ek pakistaani tererist 2 sardaro k hathe chad jaata hain..wo usse pakad k le jaate hain ek ghar me or usse ek dise de dete hain or usse bolte hain le khel ager 1 2 3 4 5 me se kuch bhi aaya to hum tujhe maar denge?pakistaani was confused k 6 k bare me to kuch bola hi nahi?to wo darta darta puchta hain k ager 6 aaya to mujhe chod doge?to unme se ek sardaar bolta hain?.khote de puter kabhi ludo ya saap sidhi nahi kheli kya?
...
jab 6 aata hain to kya hota hain..dubara baari?.ha ha ha ha?.
Bolo tar a ra ra???
Fun62
Last night you and your best friend had a fight.
You decide not to talk to her the next day.
She smiles at you.
You grind your teeth at her.
She tells her friends nice things about you.
You spread bad rumors about her.
She tries to come and talk to you.
But you push her aside.
She thinks you are a great friend.
You think she is a terrible friend.
She writes nice notes to you, telling you about the best times
you
shared
together. You write about all the bad times you can remember
experiencing
together.
Deep down you know she's sorry.
But all you have is hate.
The next day you find a note. It reads:
Dear -------------,
I tried to tell you yesterday, but you didn't let me speak,
I tried to tell you good things,but you were afraid to hear
them.
I tried to smile at you, to take away the hate.
But now it's time to tell you, even though it's a bit late. That
i am
dying.
I have a bad condition and it is getting worse. I'm sorry to
have to tell you that i won't be able to see you today. I wrote
this to you today in the hospital.
My time is up.
I'm sorry i should have told you sooner.
I'm really sorry about our argument,you are such a great friend.
I promise i shall watch over you,
Lots of love
-------------
You run to the hospital to tell her you are sorry,
But only her mum is left.
Her hand clasped over her face.
And she was crying. Down on her knees she prays, for her
daughter to
come
back.
You are too late.
You wish you told her sorry sooner and got to say goodbye.
All friends have their ups and downs, and sometimes you need to
say
sorry... Don't wait for the other person to do it first.
Because you never know what could happen.
If you really love your friends and would watch down on them
when you
pass
away,
Fun70
Top 20 replies by Programmers to Testers when their programs don't work:
20. "That's weird..."
19. "It's never done that before."
18. "It worked yesterday."
17. "How is that possible?"
16. "It must be a hardware problem."
15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There is something funky in your data."
13. "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"
12. "You must have the wrong version."
11. "It's just some unlucky coincidence."
10. "I can't test everything!"
9. "THIS can't be the source of THAT."
8. "It works, but it hasn't been tested."
7. "Somebody must have changed my code."
6. "Did you check for a virus on your system?"
5. "Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?
4. "You can't use that version on your system."
3. "Why do you want to do it that way?"
2. "Where were you when the program blew up?"
And the Number One Reply by Programmers when their programs don't work:
Guess.............
Guess.............
Guess.............
Guess.............
Guess.............
Guess.............
Come on, even u say it.
Guess...
1.It works on my machine!
Fun68
A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been
asked to go fishing up in canada with my boss &
several of his Friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good
opportunity for me to get that Promotion I've been wanting, so
could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set
out my rod and fishing box. We're
Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to
pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk
pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being
the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.
The following Weekend he came home a little tired but
otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught
many fish?
He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few
Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like
I asked you to Do?"
You'll love the answer...
>>
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>>.
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>>.
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>>
>>
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>>.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>.
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>>.
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The wife replied, "I did.
>>
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>>.
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They're in your fishing box.....
Fun67
Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives
are mentioned below.
Designation : Junior girl friend ( Trainee)
Experience : Must have ditched at least 2 guys
(Fresher with excellent c redentials will be considered)
Other requirement : Should have the Potential to do street
bargaining and fight if required.
Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective.
Perks and incentives:
Total gross ( Monthly ) :
2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones)
10 bike rides each duration 1 hour
5 trips to National Highways
5 Trips to Hanuman Mandir / Isckon Temple
10 Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days
Daily Provision of Samosa / Bread Pakoda / Bhel worth Rs. 10 /-
2 movies ( Family movies only ) per month (on weekends)
Visits to Shopping Malls and BARISTA every Weekend (On your own expense)
A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to
finance availability and t o the size available with the shopkeeper.
Net Deductions ( Monthly ) : Affair Fund and un-professional taxes will Be
informed on joining
The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with Pomotion
to fulltime Girlfriend)
PlZ NOTE:
1. Only females.
2. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply.
3. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above mentioned conditions.
There is more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral program
by referring their friend, colleagues etc.
Candle light or Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if
candidate is not selected.
Search?. never ends!!
Interested candidates can send their resume with Subject :
Name/fresher-exp/age.
Photo must be in attachment.
to the email address via mail
Note: Applications without photo will be rejected
APPLICANTS WHO HAD APPLIED EARLIER NEED NOT APPLY AND MALE CAN INFORM ABOUT THIS OPENING TO THEIR GIRLFRIEND ALSO.
Fun65
Roses are red, violets are blue
Monkeys like you should be kept in the zoo.
Don't feel so angry, you will find me there too
Not in a cage but laughing at you...
Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
then ~ I wrote your name on my heart And.
I got a heart attack straight away
God saw me hungry, HE created pizza.
HE saw me thirsty, HE created Pepsi
HE saw me in dark, HE created light
HE saw me without problems, HE created YOU.
Fun63
Last night you and your best friend had a fight.
You decide not to talk to her the next day.
She smiles at you.
You grind your teeth at her.
She tells her friends nice things about you.
You spread bad rumors about her.
She tries to come and talk to you.
But you push her aside.
She thinks you are a great friend.
You think she is a terrible friend.
She writes nice notes to you, telling you about the best times
you
shared
together. You write about all the bad times you can remember
experiencing
together.
Deep down you know she's sorry.
But all you have is hate.
The next day you find a note. It reads:
Dear -------------,
I tried to tell you yesterday, but you didn't let me speak,
I tried to tell you good things,but you were afraid to hear
them.
I tried to smile at you, to take away the hate.
But now it's time to tell you, even though it's a bit late. That
i am
dying.
I have a bad condition and it is getting worse. I'm sorry to
have to tell you that i won't be able to see you today. I wrote
this to you today in the hospital.
My time is up.
I'm sorry i should have told you sooner.
I'm really sorry about our argument,you are such a great friend.
I promise i shall watch over you,
Lots of love
-------------
You run to the hospital to tell her you are sorry,
But only her mum is left.
Her hand clasped over her face.
And she was crying. Down on her knees she prays, for her
daughter to
come
back.
You are too late.
You wish you told her sorry sooner and got to say goodbye.
All friends have their ups and downs, and sometimes you need to
say
sorry... Don't wait for the other person to do it first.
Because you never know what could happen.
If you really love your friends and would watch down on them
when you
pass
away,
Fun61
To make a woman happy..... A man only needs to be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes
****************************************************************
&
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:
1. Leave him alone
- Be happy -
- Work hard -
- Enjoy life -
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Arrangements she makes
****************************************************************
&
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:
1. Leave him alone
- Be happy -
- Work hard -
- Enjoy life -
Fun60
Kabir :
Pothhi padh padh jag mooya, pandit bhaya na koye,
Dhai aakhar prem ka, padhe so pandit hoye
SE :
Coding kar ar jag mooya, programmer bhaya na koye,
Do shabd copy-paste ke, kare so programmer hoye.
Kabir :
Chalati chakki dekh ke, diya Kabira roye,
Do paatan ke beechmein, saabut bacha na koye
SE:
Client aur manager ko dekhke, engineers saare roye,
Deadline meet karne ke chakkar mein, saabut bacha na koye.
Kabir :
Aisi baani boliye, man ka aapa khoye
Auron ko sheetal kare, aaphi sheetal hoye
SE:
Aisa presentation dijiye, man ka aapa khoye,
Auron ko confuse kare, aaphi confuse hoye
Kabir :
Guru Govind doyu khade, kaake laagu paye
Balihari guru aapke, govind diyo bataye
SE :
Client aur manager doyu khade, kaake laagu paye
Balihaari client aapke, manager diyo bataye.
Rahim :
Rahiman dhaaga prem ka, mat todo chatkaye
tode se fir jude na, jude gaanth pad jaaye
SE :
SE confidence manager, mat todo chatkaye
Project to barbaad hoye hi, appraisal mein waat lag jaye.
Kabir :
Dheere dheere re mana, dheere sab kuch hoye,
Maali seenche sow ghara, ritu aaye phal hoye
SE :
Dheere dheere re project leader, dheere project execute hoye,
client dikhaye kitni bhi urgency, release deadline ke baad hi hoye..
Kabir :
Jab Tun Aaya Jagat Mein, Log Hanse Tu Roye
Aise Karni Na Kari, Pache Hanse Sab Koye
SE :
Jab project aaye company mein, client hase hum roye,
Aisi karni na kari, tu hase client roye...
Kabir:
Dukh Mein Simran Sab Kare, Sukh Mein Kare Na Koye
Jo Sukh Mein Simran Kare, Tau Dukh Kahe Ko Hoye
SE:
Rush hour mein kaam sab karen, routine mein kare na koye,
jo routine mein sab kaam kare, to rush hour kaahe hoye.
Kabir:
Chinta Aisee Dakini, Kat Kaleja Khaye
Vaid Bichara Kya Kare, Kahan Tak Dawa Lagaye
SE:
Deadline aisi dakini, man ka tension badhaaye,
kaam itna ho sar par, time pe complete kaise ho paaye.
Kabir:
Maala To Kar Mein Phire, Jeebh Phire Mukh Mahin
Manua To Chahun Dish Phire, Yeh To Simran Nahin
SE:
Engineer gaye sab cigarette peene, Leader phire office maahin,
Cubicle se jyaada time canteen pe rahe, yeh to dedication naahin
Fun59
Fantastic test!! !
A College student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule and the only one available was wildlife Zoology. So he joined in and after one week of study, a test was held. The professor passed out sheets of small paper where in each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird's legs.
No bodies, no feet, just legs.
The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs. Our student sat and stared at the test getting angrier every minute. Finally he stomped up to the front of the classroom and threw the test on the teacher's desk. "This is the worst test I have ever written."
The teacher looked up and said: "Young man, you have not filled in anything and you definitely have failed the test. Tell me, what's your name?"
The student pulled up his pant to the knee showing his legs and said,
"You tell me...what's my name....................????"
Fun58
Interesting equation
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Human = Pigs + work + enjoy
If, Human - enjoy = Pigs + work
In other words,
Human that don't know enjoy = pigs that work
**************
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Men = Pigs + earn money
If Men - earn money = Pigs
In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Pigs
**************
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Women = Pigs + spend
If, Women - spend = Pigs
In other words,
Women that don't spend = Pigs
**************
Summary:
Men earn money not to let women become pigs!
Women spend not to let men become pigs!
Men + Women = 2 Pigs
Wish all the pigs happy forever.
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Men = Pigs + earn money
If Men - earn money = Pigs
In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Pigs
**************
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Women = Pigs + spend
If, Women - spend = Pigs
In other words,
Women that don't spend = Pigs
**************
Summary:
Men earn money not to let women become pigs!
Women spend not to let men become pigs!
Men + Women = 2 Pigs
Wish all the pigs happy forever.
Fun57
Ek baar ek Totaa (Bole to Parrot ) Ud Raha tha full speed par ....
Uske Saamne full speed me ek Ferrari aa rahi thi ...
Dono ki takkar hui ...
Totaa Behosh ...
Raste me Ek Beggar tha
Usne Tote ko uthaya aur Ghar le gaya ...
Usko Marham lagaya ..
Aur Pinjare me rakh diya ...
Jab Tote ko hosh aaya ...
Usne apne aap ko Pinjare me dekha ...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
?.
Bola ...
"AAILA ... JAIL .... woh Ferrari ka Driver mar gaya kya ??"
Fun56
Laziness is the worst enemy of humans. . .
- Jawaharlal Nehru.
Humans should learn to love even their worst enemies...!!!
- Mahatma Gandhi
Now that's what is called a DEADLOCK...
Fun53
Women: A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the very next
morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her female friend's
apartment over night. The husband calls 10 of her best female friend's and
none of them confirm that.
Men: A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife
the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over
night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirm that
he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming
that he still is there with them...
Fun55
Once upon a time. There was just one cinema theatre in the Village.
The village people, though backward were very patriotic. In
fact as a Cinema screen, the owner of the theatre, had
installed a khaadi dhoti.
The villagers were very happy with the idea of a Khaadi
Dhoti screen. They decided to dedicate the theatre to
veer purush Ramlakhanji(if any), and named the theatre: " Ramlakhan KEE DHOTI"
Some of the Up coming films/attractions at "Ramlakhan KEE
DHOTI" cinema hall, as advertised in the Local Newspaper were:
Ramlakhan kee Dhoti mein ' KACHHE DHAGE'.
Ramlakhan keeDhoti mein 'HUL-CHUL'.
Ramlakhan kee Dhoti mein 'Daraar '.
Ramlakhan kee Dhoti mein 'Chuppa Rustom'
Ramlakhan kee Dhotimein 'Aandhi'.
Ramlakhan kee Dhoti mein 'Garam Hawaa'
Ramlakhan kee Dhoti mein 'Kuchh Kuchh hota hai'.
Ramlakhan kee Dhoti mein 'Josh'.
Ramlakhan kee Dhoti mein 'Mere Do Anmol Ratan' .
Ramlakhan kee Dhoti mein 'Judwaa '.
Ramlakhan kee Dhoti mein 'Tera Jadoo Chal Gaaya'.
Ramlakhan kee Dhoti mein 'HeraPheri'.
Ramlakhan kee Dhoti mein ' Kaante '
Ramlakhan kee Dhoti mein 'Kucch to hai'
Ramlakhan kee Dhoti mein 'Qurbani'
Ramlakhan kee Dhoti mein 'Woh kaun thi'
Ramlakhan kee Dhoti mein 'Kal Ho Na Ho'
Ramlakhan kee Dhoti mein 'Waisa Bhi Hota Hai'
Ramlakhan kee Dhoti mein 'Chameli'
Ramlakhan keeDhoti mein 'Gangaajal'
Ramlakhan kee Dhoti mein 'Pyaasi Jawani'
Ramlakhan kee Dhoti mein 'Ab Tak 56'
Fun51
Santa : I tried your number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!"
Banta : Nahi Pape, it's my HELLO TUNE!
Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghu Ayaa..
Daku : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao..!
Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao!
Santa : Kaisi Sabzi Banai Hai, Bilkul Gobar Jaisa Swad Hai !
Jasmeet : Hey bhagwan! Na Jane Inhone Kya-Kya Kha Ke Dekha Hua Hai.
Gobar Ka Swad Bhi Pata Hai..!
Banta : Praji, Jab Main Paida Hua Tha To Military Walon Ne 21 Topein Chalayeen Thi.
Santa : Kamaal Hai ! Sab Ka Nishana Kayse Chook
Santa meets his friend Bunta
Santa : A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B...!
Bunta : Oye, Iska Matlab ?
Santa : Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..!
Santa : Drinking-n-Driving Dono Nalo Naal Nai Ho Sakde.
Banta : Kyoo Ji ?
Santa : Je SpeedBbreaker Aa
Phone Ki Ganti Baji.
Santa : Phone Mere Liye Ho To Kehna Mein Ghar Pe Nahin Hoon.
Jasmeet : Wo Ghar Pe Hain.
Santa :
Jasmeet : Phone Mere Liye Tha!
Santa : Aapne Nurse Bahut Changi Rakhi Hai, Uska Haath Lagtey Hi Mein Theek Ho Gaya.
Doctor: Jaanta Hoon, Thappad Ki Awaaz Mujhe Bhi Sunai Di Thi.
Santa : Oh Yaar Main Badi Mushkil Mein Hoon...
Meri Biwi Mujhse Ek Pappi Ka Ek Rupeya Leti Hai..!
Banta : Oh Yaar Tu Bada Lucky Hai, Auron Se To Woh 5 Rupye Leti Hai.
Santa : Yaar! Main Apna Purse Ghar Bhool Aaya, Mainu 1000 Rs Chahide Si.
Banta : Dost Hi Dost De Kam Aunda Hai, Le 10 Rs, Riksha Kar Te Purse Le Aa.
Banta : Wo Ladki Deaf Lagti Hai. Main Kuch Kehta Hoon, Woh Kuch Aur Hi Bolti Hai.
Santa : Kaise?
Banta :
A crow shits on Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him.
Banta: Koi Fhayda Nahin, Kauwa Toh Udd
Santa : When I get mad at you,you never fight back.How do you control your anger?
Jasmeet : I clean the toilet bowl.
Santa : How does that help?
Jasmeet : I use your toothbrush!
Fun52
Girls Are Intelligent
One day, a girl, 18yrs old, heared from her mother that if she will
do a regular prayer for 4 yrs, a divine "Devi" will come to her dreams &
give her 3 boons. So she decided to do it. She completed 4 yrs
successfully, doing prayer regularly.
Now it was a day for "Devi" to come. So she slept earlier with
thoughts in her mind to ask.
And, really a "Devi" comes in her dreams. Now this is the dialogue
between them.
Devi: O Girl, you prayed to me regularly within last 4 yrs, so I am
very very happy with you. I will complete any of your 3 wishes. You can ask
anything you like, but there is one condition.
Girl: Condition!, what is that?
Devi: You have a boy-friend?
Girl: Yes.
Devi: When you were doing a prayer, he was waiting for you, so he also
sacrificed same as you. Moreover, he didnt know anything about boon
and all, so he is also eligible for the boons. So whatever you will ask,
he will get 10 times more than that of you. If you are agreed, then
proceed for the 1st boon.
Girl: (After thinking for some time .... ): Yes, I am ready.
Girl: 1st, Make me 10 times richer than the richest person in the
world.
Devi: But your boy-friend will be 10 times richer than you.
Girl: It's OK.
Devi: Be as you wish!
Girl: 2nd, Make me 10 times more beautiful than the most beautiful
girl in the world.
Devi: But your boy-friend will be 10 times handsome than the most
handsome boy in the world.
Girl: It's OK.
Devi: Be as you wish.
Devi: Now the last boon remains.
Girl: O Devi, please give me a MILD HEART-ATTACK.
Devi: What? Are you sure!
Girl: Yes. Very sure!
Devi: Be as you wish.
Think friends,
what happened to her boy-friend, he got a severe heart-attack & died
at once, while the girl remained alive. Thus, the girl became the
world's most
beautiful girl and the richest one, too.
Moral of the
story : So intelligent the girls are! Girls are really more
intelligent than we believe about them to be. So be careful boys!
Now, girls please stop reading ... boys continue till the end
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HEY GUYS, dont worry, actually what done is something different than
what you all think!
Actually, the girl's boy-friend got a heart-attack, 10 TIMES MILDER
than that of the girl. So the boy-friend lived longer than the girl, being
world's richest and the most handsome boy.
Moral of the story: Dear boys, the girls are not really that much
intelligent than what we believe them to be. So dont worry if you
think that you have girl-friend, intelligent than you.
Hey....I told u girls not to read.......
Fun54
After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told h is HR Manager his observation.The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying;
Myfriend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours ?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!
Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that
I was stealing Company money all these days.
Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR = HIGH RISK
Fun29
Think bout this........................
Prison Vs Work Rating
IN PRISON
AT WORK
you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
you spend most of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON
AT WORK
you get three meals a day (free).
.you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it yourself.
IN PRISON
AT WORK
you get time off for good behavior.
you get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK.
IN PRISON
AT WORK
a guard locks and unlocks the doors for you.
.you must carry around a security card and unlock open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON
AT WORK
you can watch TV and play games.
you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON
AT WORK
you get your own toilet.
you have to share.
IN PRISON
AT WORK
they allow your family and friends to visit.
you can not even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON
AT WORK
all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all.
You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.
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