Fun371

Nepolian: There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary.

Santa: Abhi bolne se kya fayda, jab kharida tha tab dekhna tha naa...

Fun379

> This is really a great suspense...
>

> Read it carefully to know what it is.
>

> ..
> A man is driving down the road and breaks down near
>

> a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the
>

>

> door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I
>
>

> could stay the night?
>
>

>

> the monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner,
>


> even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep,
>


> he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks
>

> the monks what the sound was, but they say, We
>

>
> can't tell you. You're not a monk.
>

>
> The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and
>

> goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same
>
>

> man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The
>


>

> monks again accept him, feed him, even fix his car.
>

>

> That night, he hears the same strange noise that he
>


>
> had heard years earlier.


>

> The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks
>

> reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
>
>

> The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to

>

> know. If the only way I can find out what that sound


> was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?

>

> The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell
>

>

> us how many blades of grass there are and the exact
>


> number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers,
>

>

> you will become a monk.


>

> The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years
>

> later, he returns and knocks on the door of the
> monastery. He says, I have traveled the earth and
>
>

> have found what you have asked for. There are
>


>

> 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and
>
>

>

> 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.
>
>

>

> The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a


>

> monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.
>
>

> The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the
>


> head monk says, The sound is right behind that


>

> door.
>
>

> The man reaches for the knob, but the door is
>
>

> locked. He says, Real funny. May I have the key?
>


> The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
>


>

> Behind the wooden door is another door made of
>

>

> stone. The man demands the key to the stone door.
>



> The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to
>


> find a door made of ruby. He demands another key


>

> from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is
>

> another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went


> until the man had gone through doors of emerald,
>
>

> silver, topaz, and amethyst.
>

> Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the

>

> last door.

>

> The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door,
>

> turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to
>

> find the source of that strange sound.
>

>

> . . . But I can't tell you what it is because
>



> you're not a monk.
>

Fun376

once There Was A Small Baby Monkey Stranded On A Small Island
There Was Nothing On This Island Except Dry Grass And A Single Coconut Tree with Many Coconuts.
One Hot Day The Dry Grass Caught Fire. The Fire Spread Quickly And Soon The Whole Island Was On Fire.
SS NISANTH
To Escape The Fire The Small Baby Monkey Climbed Up The Coconut Tree, But The Wind Was Strong And The Fire Was Quickly Working Its Way Towards The Tree.

By Now The Tree And The Monkey Was Surrounded By Fire.

The Question Now Is, WHAT SHOULD THE SMALL BABY MONKEY DO TO ESCAPE THE FIRE ?






Scroll Down For The Answer ......























Guess What The Answer Is??


















Come On Yaar ..... Its Very Simple..



















Still, You Are Thinking !! Can't Find The Answer?

















The Answer Is .........

If A Big Monkey Like You Doesn't Know The Answer. How Do You Expect A Small Baby Monkey To Know ......

Forward This To As Many MONKEYS You Know !!!!!!!!

Fun372

Just spend some time in reading this?



A beautiful teacher was having trouble with one of her students in 1st
Grade class. She asked,"Boy. what is your problem?"
Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the
third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
4th Grade!"
Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While
the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal
what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy
a test and if he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
the Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy.: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy.: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade
should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, "I think Boy
can go to the 4th grade."
Madam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agreed.

Madam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of"?
Boy, after a moment "Legs."

Madam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy.: "Pockets."

Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut

Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum

Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a
dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy.: Shake hands

Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up.
I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The
best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large
Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow
me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of
heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck

Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it,
u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork

Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men
than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his
wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME.

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of
veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

"Send this Boy to
IIM AHEMEDABAD,
I got the last ten questions wrong myself!".

I am sure that you meant all the qns wrong its ok, Thats wat we dooooooooooooo

Fun374

In the graceful journey of my life

there suddenly a moment came,

Leaving my family so close

I marched away for the fame.



In the city full of strangers

literally I relied on my fate,

When I realized four unknowns

eventually had become my roommate



Mr. Sunil the only man serious

has got his own appetite,

Sometime we share a joke

the moment next we start a fight.



Buddy Nitesh looks cool and calm

Enjoys the life full stretching out his arm,

To mumbai he goes every weekend

like it's somekind of his static trend.



Handsome Kausy is in fact a dancer

and poems he writes too,

Gazing at girls around his cubical

he thinks and attempts them to woo



Finally to Prince I owe no intro

as he enters, we run to and fro

After he having a peg absurd

we are tortured till degree third.



These are my four mate

acting as the strong pillar,

relying on them most

enjoys life I the Silent Killer

Fun380

Ek ladki thi deewani si

Mobile lekar chalti thi

Nazrain jhuka ke

Sharma ke

Mobile mein jaane kya dekha karti thi

Kuchh karna tha shaayad usko

Par jaane kis se darti thi

Jab bhi milti thi mujhse

Yehi poochha karti thi

Yeh ON kaise hota hai,
Yeh ON kaise hota hai

aur main sirf yehi kahta tha
ye mobile nahi TV ka remote hai

Fun377

One day a girl licked the envelopes and postage stamps instead of using a sponge. That very day the lady found a cut on her tongue. A week later, she noticed an abnormal swelling of her tongue. She went to the doctor, and they found nothing wrong. Her tongue was not sore or anything. A couple of days later, her tongue started to swell more, and it began to get really sore, so sore, that she could not eat. She went back to the hospital, and demanded something be done. The doctor took an x-ray of her tongue and noticed a lump. He prepared her for minor surgery. When the doctor cut her tongue open, a live cockroach crawled out!!!!

There were cockroach eggs on the seal of the envelope. The egg was able to hatch inside of her tongue, because of her saliva. It was warm and moist...

This is a true story reported on news channel
Andy Hume wrote:
Hey, I used to work in an envelope factory. You wouldn't believe the....things that float around in those gum applicator trays. I haven't licked an envelope for years!" I used to work for a print shop (32 years ago) and we were told NEVER to lick the envelopes. I never understood why until I had to go into storage and pull out 2500 envelopes that were already printed and saw several squads of cockroaches roaming around inside a couple of boxes with eggs everywhere. They eat the glue on the envelopes.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON, TO YOUR FRIENDS. After reading this you will never lick another envelope or stamp.

Fun378

How Amit D'Mello (QA Tester) frustrates developer (Mukesh Singh)



Amit D'Mello: Hey Mukesh, there is a bug in your code. Type a text in user name text box and press enter. Beep sound doesn't appear.

Mukesh Singh: How can that be a bug? There is no requirement that beep sound should come. Anyway, I will assign it to offshore and get it fixed.



After 2 days,

Mukesh Singh: Amit, bug is fixed. Please verify.



After another 2 days,

Amit D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug because sound is not coming in some PCs. Sound is coming in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry is not getting the sound.



After another 2 days,

Mukesh Singh: Not a bug. I observed that your friend Rajat Choudhry has old IBM machine. Unlike your DELL machine, IBM machines do not have inbuilt speakers. So, to hear the sound in Rajat Choudhry's machine, please use head phones and then get the bug closed soon.



Another 2 days,

Amit D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug because sound tone is different across different machines. Sound is coming as 'BEEP' in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry who is having IBM machine is getting the sound as 'TONG'.

Mukesh Singh: Not a bug. Get lost man. What can we do for the bug? The two machines are built in such a way that they produce different sounds. Do you expect the developers to rebuild the IBM processors to make them uniform? Please close it.



Another 2 days,

Amit D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug because intensity of beep sound produced on 2 different DELL machines is different. My machine produces beep sound of intensity 10 decibels whereas my friend's machine produces sound worth 20 decibels. Fix your code to make the sound uniform across all machines.



Another 2 days later,

Mukesh Singh: Once again it is not a bug. I have noticed that the volume set is different on the two machines. Ensure that volume is same in both the machines before I get mad and then close the bug.



Another 2 days,

Amit D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug.

Mukesh Singh: What ?? Why? What more stupid reasons can be there for re-opening?

Amit D'Mello: Sound intensity is different for machines placed at different locations (different buildings). So, I have re-opened it.



After 2 days,

Mukesh Singh: I have made some scientists do an acoustical analysis of the two buildings you used for testing. They have observed that the acoustics in the two buildings varies to a large extent. That is why sound intensity is different across the 2 buildings. So, I beg you to please close the bugs.



After 1 year

Amit D'Mello: I am re-opeing the bug. During the year, I requested the clients to arrange architects to build two buildings with same acoustical features, so that I can test it again. Now, when I tested, I found that intensity of sound still varying. So, I am re-opening the defect.

Mukesh Singh: GROWLLLL.....I am really mad now. I am sure that the sound waves of the two buildings are getting distorted due to some background noice or something. Now I need to waste time to prove that it is because of background noice.

Amit D'Mello: No need for that. We will put the machines and run them in vacuum and see.

Mukesh Singh: (not alive)

Fun375

Standing near the temple wall
Waiting for bus in a moment small
Where I can see her pass by
And my day happily will fly


Day and noon, evening and night
Till in sky there is light
I continue to wait every day
Cause she is pretty every way


No one means so much to me
No one brings joy to me
Seeing her brings so much love
She is an angel from above


Dreaming of her every night
I go to bed happy and bright
Poem every page in my diary say
My love for her grows every day


One glance is all I ever ask
One smile, moment of joy to bask
One word, one sweet word to hear
How long have I waited to be near


I do not want to touch or hurt
I do not want to talk or flirt
All I want is to look at her
Every day every night forever

Fun373

Shopkeeper:Oh ho Deepika ji , aaiye aaiye.Kaun sa sabun lena pasand
karengi.Ye dekhiye ye..(Someother soap which is not nirma)

Deepika(Customer):Nahi Nahi ye nahi woh(pointing at nirma).

Shopkeeper:Par aap to woh, purana wala sabun....(stammering)

Deepika(Customer):Leti thi, par wahi safedi mujhe kam damo mein mile to
koi
woh kyun le, ye(nirma) na le!

Shopkeeper:Man gaye!!

Deepika(Customer):Kise?

Shopkeeper:Aapki par ki nazar aur nirma super dono ko !!!

Now the song starts... ;-)

WASHING POWDER NIRMA













WASHING POWDER NIRMA











DUDH SE SAFEDI NIRMA SE AAYE










RANGEEN KAPDA BHI KHIL KHIL JAYE










SABKI PASAND NIRMA








WASHING POWDER NIRMA










NIRMA....... ......... ...









LOGO KO KUCH BHI BHEJO PADHNE LAG JATE HAIN........ kya yaar kab sudhroge....

Fun366

These are the winners of a slogan contest organized by a leading newspaper .

# Sign on a railway station at Patna:
Aana free, jaana free,
pakde gaye to khana free.

# Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay:
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here.
She may be your grandmother!


# Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative
More the success, more the relatives.


# Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay:
We need your heads to run our business.


# A traffic slogan:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough - or else they never will be.....



#THE BEST ONE:
Its God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations
It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god."
- Indian Armed Forces

Fun370

Picture on Notepad...!! ever heard .....?

Try below you will definitely believe in this what you see....!!!



1) Copy the whole picture given below.
2) Open ' Note Pad'.
3) Paste the copied picture s in Note Pad and see the result.


STUPID!!
YOU WILL DO EVERYTHING THAT IS SAID , USE YOUR BRAIN!!!!
THIS FOR WHAT YOUR COMPANY PAYZ!!!!
DON'T WASTE TIME ..
GET ON TO YOUR WORK..

Fun368

what is PJ???






phaltu joke..








what is P+iJ ???




complex phaltu joke...










why dont we laugh on a it???


coz the joke part is imaginary!!!








Whats the opposite of Real??




Its COCONUT....



Y....Socho...???





Becuase it is 'Na-Real'









i'll write a book an pjs and dedicate it to whom? our president....why


.
.
.
.

coz he is mr. a.P.J.abdul kalam









what is the vector form of sridevi????
???
?
?
?
?
ANS : - TABU!!!!

confused???? why????
.
.
ok i'l tell you...

.
.
.
. because.
.
.
.
.
.
. sridevi did chandni and tabu did chandni bar!!!!!









What would Dharmendra say to Hema Malini if he wants to tell her to call
him up...?




Ring De Basanti :))







A dentist was examining a patient having a highly contageous deadly disease....
As soon he opens the patients mouth the disease gets transferred to the doctor... how??



...Because the patient had a bluetooth!!








three cockroaches were going on the road, suddenly one of them started singing the song -- AASHIQ BANAYA AAPNE.

Few mins later, all the three cockroaches died......any idea why?????





COZ the song is HIT......

Fun362

Check this out.... It Really Worked with me.... Will work with u too...
Here you have a great chance to know about yourself like your character etc. without spending any money. This test was devised by oxford university. It tells about your personality just by your choice. So know yourself & enjoy
Here it is.....
Imagine you walked into a small hut by the river in the jungle. You pushed open the door, in front of you were 7 small beds to the right of the hut,and another 7 small chairs surrounding a small round table. In the middle of the table was a round food tray with 5 kinds of fruit in it.
There are:
a. Apple
b. Banana
c. Strawberry
d. Peach
e. Orange
Which fruit will u choose?

Your choice reveals about u! Pls be very Honest to yourself.... .
& Now scroll down for results:
............ .........





............ ......... ..







............ ......... .......... ........






............ ......... .......... ........








............ .......... ......... .......














............ ......... .......... ........














............ ......... .......... ........











............ ......... .....







............ ......... ........






............ ......... .......... .........






............ ......... .......... .......... .........
TEST RESULTS:
Here are the results.
------------ --------- ------
a. if you've chosen apple: that means you are a person who loves to eat Apple

b. if you've chosen banana: that means you are a person who loves to eat Banana

c. if you've chosen strawberry: that means you are a person who loves to eat Strawberry

d. if you've chosen peach: that means you are a person who loves to eat Peach

e. if you've chosen orange: that means you are person who loves to eat Orange


Note: If u r hunting for me to punch me.....Well. ..I am busy hunting for the person who sent me this!!!!!

He He He He He He He He He He He He

Fun361

This one is Gooooood :-)
Man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a monkey.
The shop owner pointed out three identical monkeys and said,

"The monkey to the left costs 500 dollars."
Why does that monkey cost so much?" the man wondered.
The owner replied,

"Well, it knows how to use a computer."
The man asked about the next monkey on the perch.
"That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other monkey can do, plus it knows how to use the LINUX operating system."
Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third monkey.
"That one costs 2,000 dollars."
"And what does that one do?" the man asked.
The owner replied,

"To be honest, I've never seen him doing anything, but the other two call him boss!"

Fun364

Start


I am at the starting line
A whole life lies ahead of me
I do not have anything as mine
And I feel, I feel so free


A step was taken, a journey began
Without any knowledge or thought
Slowly I walked as world I scan
Every step something new it taught


As I walked further more
Life showed me sadness and tears
Further as I tried to explore
It showed me nightmares and fears


I still held on, carried on
I still did not give up hope
Soon all the pains were gone
But life further hit a slope


Nothing I did worked well
Nothing I tried seemed bright
On my way to heaven or hell
My life doesn't seem all right.

Fun369

A boy and a girl were in love.

When the girl's father came to know
about their love, he did not like it at
all, and so began to protest about it.



Now it happened that the two lovers
decided to leave their homes for a happy
future.



The girl's father started searching for
the two lovers but could not find
them .



At last, he accepted their love and
asked them to come back home thru a



local newspaper. Her father said "If
you both come back I will allow you to marry the
guy you love, I accept that you loved
each other truly."





So in this way, their love won and they
returned home.



The couple next day went to town to shop
for the wedding dress. He was dressed
in a white shirt that day. While he was
crossing the road to the other side to
get some drinks for his wife, a car
came and hit him and he died on the spot.



The girl was devastated and lost her
senses. It was only after sometime that
she recovered from her shock.



The funeral and cremation was the very
next day because he had died horribly.



Two nights later, the girl's mother had
a dream in which she saw an old lady.
The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood
stains of the guy from her daughter's
dress as soon as possible. But her
mother ignored the dream.





The next night her father had the same
dream , he also ignored it. Then the
girl had the same dream the next night, she
woke up in fear and told her mother
about the dream. Her mother asked her
to wash the clothes with the blood
stains

immediately.







She washed the stains but some remained.
Next night she again had the same
dream. She again washed the stains but some
still remained. But again the next
night she had the same dream and this
time the old lady gave her a last
warning to wash the blood stain, or
else something terrible would happen.



This time the girl tried her best to
wash the stains, and the clothes
nearly tore, but some stains still remained.

She was very tired.







In the late evening the same day while
she was alone at home, someone knocked
on the door. When she opened the door
she saw the same old lady of her dream
standing at her door. She got very
scared and fainted.







The old lady woke her up... and gave her
a blue object, which shocked the girl.

She asked "What is this...?" The old
lady replied...

..

.. .

..

..

..

..

..

















"This is Nirma Washing Powder"



"Washing powder nirma,Washing powder
nirma



Doodh si safedi nirma se aaye,



Rangeen kapde bhi khil khil jaye,



sabki pasand nirma



Washing powder nirma,Washing powder
nirma.Nirma"



10 ka 1, do pe ek free











I know how you all are feeling now...

Fun367

She's sweet, she's bubbly
as a baby,she was cute and cuddly,
and now she is a graceful bird,
deserving the praises to every word;




She nags me with her endless talks
but with her, I enjoy the long walks,
She's ready with excuses for shirking work
will do them though, only for some perks!!


Fights she picks with me n my brother,
that sometimes can be a bother,
yet she wins with big tears,
and sometimes reminding bro his fears;


Try as much I might,
from her, nothing i can hide,
my secrets she will never tell,
even advice she gives well;


Just her thought makes me smile
but I do envy her for a while,
for she lives close to my mother
and my dear father and brother;



She has the beauty of the four seasons,
I love her for uncountable reasons,
She can be calm as the pond or angry as the twister
She's my darling precious little sister......

Fun365

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking.
He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.

The chicken runs to the farmer but the farmer can't be found.
So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.

He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives forward saving him from sinking.


A few days later, the chicken and the horse were playing in the meadow again.
This time the chicken fell in the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole."
So he stretched over the width of the hole and said "grab my 'thing' and pull yourself up.
And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story:
.

.

.



.





.





..










"If you have a "Thing" like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks."

Fun363

Hi !!


Don't know how far it's true,nevertheless some handy tips !

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW YOUR CELLPHONE COULD DO



There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies.





Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for



survival. Check out the things that you can do with it: -



1



EMERGENCY



* The Emergency Number worldwide for **Mobile** is 112 ...* If you find



yourself out of coverage area of your mobile network and there is an



emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to



establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112

can be dialed even if the keypad is locked.

**Try it out.**





2



Have you locked your keys in the car? Does you car have remote keys?



This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone:



If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call



someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone.





Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the

person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile

phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to

drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles

away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your

car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).



Editor's Note: *It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a

cell phone!"*



3



Hidden Battery power



Imagine your cell battery is very low , you are expecting an important call



and you don't have a charger. Nokia instrument comes with a reserve



battery. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your cell will restart with this

reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve

will get charged when you charge your cell next time.





AND







4





How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?







To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your

phone:

* # 0 6 #



A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your





handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. when your phone

gets stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this

code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief

changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless.

You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever

stole it can't use/sell it either.

If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.



Please spread this useful information around

Fun360

*A letter of Husband to Wife:*

Dear Sweetheart,

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses...
You are my sweetheart.

Your husband
Allen.

*His Wife replied back after some days to her Husband:*

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.

2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.

3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.

4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items.....

5. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I
Hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!

Your Sweet Heart.

Fun355

A nice, little, funny, funniest...............




Once 3 Turtles decided to go on a picnic.

When they got there, they realized that they had forgotten the soda.

The youngest turtle said he would go home & get it if they wouldn't eat the snacks until he got back.

A week went by,

then a month,

finally an year,

the 2 turtles said 'oh, come on, lets eat the snacks'


-------


----------




---------



---------



--------




----------





----------





-------------




--------------




------------




---------------------













suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said 'if you do like this, I won't go!'

Fun353

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
- Albert Einstein

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not
stop until you meet a beautiful girl .
- Uzair Sait

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
- Franklin P. Jones

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
- Jean Cocturan

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
- Darrin Weinberg

Life is pleasant.
Death is peaceful.
It's the transition that's troublesome.

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.

It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it creative problem solving.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Forgive your enemies but remember their names.

Dont worry that the world ends today, its already tomorrow in Australia!

Fun354

There were 4 Sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.

>They had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided

>to start a hotel.

>They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel.

>The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer.

>The Sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up.

>The story was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up.



>WHY?

>Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed."

>

>After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage.

>They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the

>garage.

>The 4 Sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car

>entered their Garage.

>They waited for one day, 2 days ,a week but no car came to their garage.

>

>WHY?

>B'cos their garage was on the first floor.

>
>After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving.

>They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for

>passengers.

>They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi.

>They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi.

>They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their

>taxi.

>In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one

>hailed their taxi.

>

>WHY?

>B'cos all the four Sardars were sitting in the taxi.

>
>All the 4 Sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push

>their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines.

>They started pushing their taxi.

>They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move

>even an inch.

>They decided to rest for the night and start the next day.

>The next day the story repeated itself.

>The taxi just wouldn't move.

>They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldn't budge.

>

>WHY?

>B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.

Fun357

**************************************************

Boss : Where were you born ?
Santa : Punjab .
Boss : which part ?
Santa : Kya which part ? Whole body born in Punjab.

**************************************************

Santa & Banta were fixing a bomb in a car.
Santa : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Banta : Dont worry, I have a one more.

**************************************************

Santa : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Santa : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaare gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.

**************************************************

Santa was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks Santa why you are removinga wheel from your auto.
Santa : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

Santa got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.

**************************************************

Santa joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Santa : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

**************************************************

On a romantic day Santa's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.
Santa : Ya sure, do you want landline or mobile.

**************************************************

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

**************************************************

How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door........

**************************************************

Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA

**************************************************

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.

**************************************************

Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents

**************************************************

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

**************************************************

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

**************************************************

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

**************************************************

In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

**************************************************

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated...
drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalo, sub maroge!

**************************************************

Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is "all India Radio!"

**************************************************

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child

**************************************************

Fun359

A = You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B = You are always cautious when it comes to meeting newpeople .
C = You definitely have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it.
D = You have trouble trusting people.
E = You are a very exciting person.
F = Everyone loves you.
G = You have excellent ways of viewing people.
H = You are not judgmental.
I = You are always smiling and making others smile.
J = Jealously
K = You like to try new things.
L = Love is something you deeply believe in.
M = Success comes easily to you.
N = You like to work, but you always want a break.
O = You are very open-minded.
P = You are very friendly and understanding.
Q = You are a hypocrite.
R = You are a social butterfly.
S = You are very broad-minded.
T = You have an attitude, a big one.
U = You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V = You have a very good physique and looks.
W = You like your privacy.
X = You never let people tell you what to do.
Y = You cause a lot of trouble.
Z = You're always fighting with someone.

Fun358

MY FIRST TIME




It was my first time ever
And I'll never forget
I'd do it again
Without a single regret.
The sky was dark
The moon was high
We were all alone
Just she and I.
Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do.
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine.
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
My hands on her breast.
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart.
And when I did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came.
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever
At milking a cow...




Eh..eh eh..
NOW ALL OF U DIRTY MINDS SAY 3 HAIL MARYS...

Fun356

Who says nothing is impossible......
....... I have been doing it for years

Dare n do....

ONE-POINT OFFICE DARES

1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.

2) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

3) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say,
"
Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye. "

4) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears
and
grimace.

5) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say,
"Sorry, I really prefer it this way. "

6) Walk sideways to the photocopier.

7) While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors
open.

THREE-POINT DARES

1) Say to your boss, " I like your style " and shoot him with
double-barreled fingers.

2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, " Did you get all
that, I don't want to have to repeat it. "

3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).

4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle
(there must be a 'non-player' within sight).

5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES

1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to
conclude with the singing of the national anthem (5 extra points if you
actually launch into it yourself).

2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with
growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as " Bob. "

4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you " really have to go do a
number two. "

5) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As
in "
The report's on your desk, Mon. " Keep this up for 1 hour.

6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.

7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and
mutter, " Shut up, all of you just shut up! "

8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, " As God as my
witness, I'll never go hungry again. "

9) In a colleague's DAY PLANNER, write in the 10 am slot: " See how I
look
in tights. " (5 Extra points if it is a male, 5 more if he is your boss)

10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, " You wanna
trade?
"

11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: " Do
you
hear that? " " What? " " Never mind, it's gone now. "

12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, " I can't
talk
about it. "

13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a
lunch
for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.

14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very
important conference call.

15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

16) Hang a 2' long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and
act
genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuits,
smashing
each biscuit with your fist.

18) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the
door.

19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee,
move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

And if that wasn't enough for you. How to keep a healthy level of
insanity:

1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a
hair
dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2) Tell your children over dinner. " Due to the economy, we are going to
have to let one of you go. "

3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries
with
that.

4) Put you r waste basket on your desk and label it " IN " ..

5) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
over
his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6) Finish all your sentences with " In accordance with the prophecy. "

7) Dont use any punctuation

8) Use, too.much; punctuation!

9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11) Specify that your drive-through order is " to go. "

12) Sing along at the opera.

13) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of
junglesounds
all day.

15) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.

16) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, " Rock
Hard. "

17) When the money comes out of the ATM, cry " I Won! I Won! 3rd time
this
week!!! "

18) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling,
"
Run for your lives, they're loose! "

Fun352

> >
> > Guy was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger
> > turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker
if
> > you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
> > The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said
> to
> > the guy, "What would you like to talk about?" Hmmmm... "How about
nuclear
> > power?" said the guy.
> > "OK". she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you
a
> > question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff.
> > Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty
and
> > a horse produces clumps of dried grass.
> > Why do you suppose that is?"
> > The guy thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
> > The girl replied... "So, why do you feel qualified to discuss nuclear
> power
> > when you don't know shit?"
> >

Fun351

A Commission has just announced that English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl

Fun342

Difference between Potentiality and Reality



Youngest Son: "Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between 'Potentiality' and 'reality'?"

Dad: "I will show you"
Dad turns to his wife and asks her: "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars"?
Wife: "Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity"!

Then Dad asks his daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 Million dollars?
Daughter: "Wow! Yes! He is my fantasy!"

So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: "Would you sleep with, Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars"?
Elder Son: "Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!"

So the father turns back to his younger son saying: You see son, 'Potentially' we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in 'Reality' we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay.

Fun347

THE CRUSH CHEMISTRY
This is an AWESOME OPPOURTUNITY to find out what does your SOMEONE
SPECIAL
thinks about you...
First of all you have to follow some steps accordingly to find out about
your crush.
Choose one option from every question about your crush.
Simultaneously add the numbers next to your every option.
Then match the total with the RESUTS REACTION given below.

Wish you good luck




Select the initial letter of your crush.
A-1, B-2, C-3, D-4, E-5, F-6, G-7, H-8, I-9, J-10
K-1, L-2, M-3, N-4, O-5, P-6, Q-7, R-8, S-9, T-10
U-1, V-2, W-3, X-4, Y-5, Z-6.

Select his/her skin color.
Fair-5, dark-3, medium-2.

Loves you.
Too much-5, ok-4, doesn't love u -3, don't know-8

Gone for a date??
YES- 3 NO - 5

Height-
Is between 4 to 5 -5
Is between 5 to 6 -2
Is between 6 to 7 -8


Will you go for a date in future??
YES - 4 NO- 10

His/her eye color...
Black-8, brown-4, blue-5

His/her Favorite color-
Blue-7, black-6, brown-5, white-3, yellow-4, don't know-1

Behavior-
Good-7, naughty-5, bad-2, strange-3, don't know-4.

NOW MATCH YOUR TOTAL WITH THE GIVEN RESULT REACTION-

If your total is-
30- hates you
31- Adores you
32- Will cheat you
33- Will soon kiss you
34- Just a good friend
35- Loves you every moment of life
36- Will soon propose you
37- Hates your behavior
38 - Loves you more than anyone else
39- Stop loving him/her
40- Has many other affaires
41- Has started loving you
42- Hates you because you are moody
43- Moody in love with you
44- Say yes if he/she proposes you
45- Not interested in you
46- Loves you very much
47- Will forget you
48- Loves you but tries to hurt you
49- Will use you as time pass
50- Doesn't loves you
51- You will surely carry on love
52- Your family won't accept him/her
53- Takes everything for granted
54- Your close friend is behind him/her
55- Your brother/sister
56- No chance
57- You have to propose him/her
58 - Life is happy
59- Waiting to get linked with you
60- No chance
61- Will get married to someone else
62- You will live happy ever after with him/her

HOPE YOU HAV GOT A SATISFACTORY RESULT ABOUT YOUR DREAM MATE!!!

Fun344

1. What is height of Fashion?

A. Dhoti with a zip .


************ **

2. What is height of Secrecy?

A. Offering blank visiting cards.


************ **



3. What is height of Active laziness?

A. Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.


************ **

4. What is height of Craziness?

A. Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.


************ **

5. What is height of Forgetfulness?

A. Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.


************ **

6. What is height of Stupidity?

A. A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.

************ **

7. What is height of Honesty?

A. A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.


************ **

8. What is height of Suicide?

A. A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.


************ **

9. What is height of De-hydration?

A. A cow giving milk powder.


************ **

__._,_.___

Fun350

RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
Ques. 1 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????

Scroll Down for answer













































A TOMATO....... AND THE TRING TRING TRING WAS TO CONFUSE YOU......

Anyways... Here s one more....

Ques 2 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????

Scroll Down for answer













































The DOOR BELL and the RED was to CONFUSE you......

Anyways... Here s one more....

Ques 2 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????

Scroll Down for answer














































A CAKE .... and both were to confuse you....

Anyways... Here s one more....

Ques 2 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????

Scroll Down for answer













































A FIRE BRIGADE OBVIOUSLY...........
AND U THOT I WS TRYING TO CONFUSE YOU...............

Fun343

________________________________

DO THESE THINGS REALLY WORK? I'LL FIND OUT.








MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!
MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON Y OUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER!

FRIENDS FOREVER!

Forward this to at least 7 people and see what happens on your screen . Y ou will laugh your head off!!!!!!!!!!!



This is the coolest thing I have ever gotten. All you have to do is send it to 7 people and watch your screen, it is the funniest clip. I can't tell you what is but I was laughing so hard I almost fell off my chair!!! So, send it to those 7 people and watch.

Fun346

An elephant has 5 bananas and it is hungry, but yet it does not eat

the bananas. Why ?





.

.

.

.

.

.



.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.



.

.

.

.

.

.

.



.

.

.

.

.





Because the bananas are made of plastic.



Next?Q











The 5 bananas are real , but yet the elephant does not eat it. Why?



.

.



.

.

.

.

.

.

.



.

.

.



.

.

.



.

.

.

.

Because the elephant is made of plastic.



Hahhaa?never give up?one more..









Both the elephant and the bananas are real, but yet it cannot eat it.

.

.

.

.



.

.



Why ?



.

.

.

.



.

.

.

.



.

.

.

.



.

.

.

.

.

.



Because the bananas are in the TV.



Ooops!!! Cool down?











Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV, but yet it

cannot eat it. Why?





.

.

.

.



.

.

.

.

,

,

,



,

,

,

,

,.

.

.

.



.

.

.



Because they are on different channels.



Hohohohoohohoh..hehehe









Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV and on the

same channel, but yet it cannot eat it. Why?

.

.

.

.

.



.

.

.

.

.



.

.

.

.

.

.





.

.

.

.

.

Cmon think ?.

.

.

.

..

.

.

.



.

.

.

.

.



.

.

.

.

.

.



.

.

.



.

.

.

.



.

.

.

.



.

.

.



Because the TV is off.



Kikikikikiki :-)





Now Finally the Elephant gets a chance to eat the bananas.Why?

































































































Itna kyun soch rahe ho yaar...Kya bigada hain usne aapka...Khane do

naa bichare ko!!!





Now get back to work

Fun349

A software engineer was smoking.

A lady standing nearby said to him ? can?t you see the Warning !,

Smoking is

injurious to health?.

He replied ? We are bothered only about Errors, not Warnings !!? .....

Fun348

Four guys, one each from Harvard, Yale, MIT university and SANTA from
D.U. were to be interviewed for a prestigious job. One common question
was asked to all 4 of them.

INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?

YALE guy: Its light, Nothing can travel faster than light

HARVARD Guy: It's the Thought; b'cos thought is so fast it comes
instantly in your mind.

MIT guy: Its Blink, you can blink and its hard to realize you blinked

SANTA: Its Loose motion

INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa's reply, asked) "WHY"?

SANTA: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the
worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE
LIGHTS, it was over!!!!

Fun345

Father : "I want you to marry a girl of my choice" *






















































Son : "I will choose my own bride!"




















Father : "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."






























Son: "Well, in that case...ok"




























Next- Father approaches Bill Gates.















































Father : "I have a husband for your daughter."





























Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry!"












































Father : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."














































Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case...ok"









































Finally Father goes to see the
president of the World Bank.








































Father : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."















































President : "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"

































Father : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."












President : "Ah, in that case...ok"











































This is how business is done!!











































Moral: Even If you have nothing,You can get Anything. But your attitude

should be positive.

Fun341

Sanjay, a rich guy, loved fast cars and he did have a few in his

possession.

He loved to speed and could not be bothered about breaking speed

limits. Many a times he was

caught by the cops and speed radars, fined, but still he never

bothered until.

One day as he was driving at a very high speed as usual, he saw

a cop following him. The cop overtook him finally and asked him to stop

and

checked his license. He then took out his pad and started

Writing, and then handed over the sheet of paper to Sanjay.

How much was this one going to cost?!!!

Wait a minute.

What was this????

Some kind of joke? Certainly not a ticket.

Sanjay began to read:

"Dear Sanjay,

Once upon a time I had a lovely daughter. She was six when

killed by a car.

You guessed it - a speeding driver's car.

A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to

hug his three daughters.

I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until Heaven,

before I can ever hug her again.

A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand

times I thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it

again. Even now. Pray for me.. And be careful, Sanjay, my son is

all I have left."

Sanjay turned around in time to see the cop's car pull away and

head down the road.

He watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he

too, pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and

hugging a surprised

wife and kids when he arrived.

Life is precious. Handle it with care.

Funny how you can send a thousand jokes' through e-mail and they

spread

like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the

sanctity of life, people think

twice about sharing. Funny, how when you go to forward this

message, you will not send it to

many on your address list because you're not sure what they

believe, or what they will think of

you, for sending it to them.

Pass this on, you may save a life. Then maybe not, but we'll

never.

Fun339

Am I Pretty now??

Girl: I have to tell you something...

Boy: What?

Girl: I really like you. And I... I think I'm falling in
love with you.

Boy: Ok...

Girl: What do you mean "ok"?

Boy: I don't like you like that...

Girl: Why not?

Boy: I can't tell you... maybe another time...

From then on, the girl kept asking the boy "Why not?"
whenever she saw him, and he kept answering the same answer of
"I'll tell you later." Finally the girl got fed up.

Girl: I'm tired of this! Tell me why you don't like me!

Boy: Do you really wanna know why?

Girl: Yes!

Boy: It's because you're ugly! What's the point of going
out with someone when they're not pretty?!

Girl: But... I...

Boy: Just shut up and leave me alone!

The boy leaves and the girl is sitting there alone, crying
her heart out.
Then her cell phone rings.

Girl: Hello?

Mom: Sweetheart? I want you to go home, ok? I'll be home
from work in a few hours.

Girl: Alright Mom.

Mom: I love you.

Girl: I love you too, Mom.

Mom: Bye Bye.

Girl: Bye

The girl heads home and once she got there, she went in
the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror.

Girl: I'm not pretty enough...

She set to work, knowing fully well what she was going to
do. 2 hours later, her Mom came home and heard the bath
water running. She went upstairs to find the hallway
flooded so she knocked on the door.

Mom: Honey? Are you alright?

She opened the door and was shocked at the site. The bath
was overflowing onto the floor, and the water was tinted red.
She walked over to see what was inside and screamed.
There, her little girl was lying with cuts all over her
face and wrists. Her Mom backed away and was going to run
to call the police when something caught her eye. On the
mirror, am I pretty enough now?


No one deserves to be told that by someone they love. If
you find it messed up then forward this to everyone you
know.

A person's appearance doesn't count. What counts is their
heart inside of them and their personality. No one wants
to be told they're not good enough...

Fun332

Moments of freedom in shades of joy



JAI H
JAI HIN JA
JAI HIND JAI HI
JAI HIND JAI H
JAI HIND JAI HI
JAI HIND JAI
JAI HIND JAI
JAI HIND JAI
JAI HIND
JAI HIND J
JAI HIND JAI H
JAI HIND JAI HIN
JAI HIND JAI HIN JAI H
JAI HIND JAI HIND J JAI HIND J
JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI H J JAI HIND J
JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI JA JAI HIND JAI
JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND J JA JAI HIND
JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIN
JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND J JAI HIND JAI
JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI
JAI HI JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIN JAI HI
JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI H
JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI JAI
JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIN J
JAI HI JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI
JAI H JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND J
JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND
JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND
JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI
JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI
JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND J
JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIND
JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HIN
JAI HIND JAI HIND JAI HI
JAI HIND JAI HIND JA
JAI HIND JAI HIND J
JAI HIND JAI HIN
JAI HIND JAI HIN
JAI HIND JAI HI
JAI HIND JAI H
JAI HIND JAI
JAI HIND JAI
JAI HIND JAI
JAI HIND
JAI HIN
JAI HI
JAI H
JAI

Fun334

Appraisal letter----really creative



Dear Manager (HR),



Vivek, my assistant programmer, can always be found

hard at work in his cubicle. Vivek works independently, without

wasting company time talking to colleagues. Vivek never

thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always

finishes given assignments on time. Often Vivek takes extended

measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee

breaks. Vivek is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no

vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound

knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Vivek can be

classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be

dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Vivek be

promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be

sent away as soon as possible.



Signed - Project Leader







NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report

sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7, 9,11, 13)

for my true assessment of him.

Fun335

25 years ago......

A program was a television show
An application was for employment
Windows were something u hated to clean
A cursor used profanity
Keyboard was a piano
Memory was something u lost with age
A CD was a bank account
If u unzipped in public u went to jail
Compress was something u did to garbage
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
Log on was adding wood to fire
A backup happened to your toilet
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
Cut, u did with scissors
Paste, u did with glue
A web was a spider's home
A Monitor was some one who used to keep watch on classmates in absence of teacher
A Desktop was desk's top surface.
And a virus was the flu!

Time surely has changed ??????

Fun333

About 11 things they did not and will not learn in school.

Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Fun338

ESPECIALLY FOR U

Roses are red, violets are blue
Monkeys like you should be kept in the zoo.

Don't feel so angry, you will find me there too
Not in a cage but laughing at you...







Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.




The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?






I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
then ~ I wrote your name on my heart And?.

I got a heart attack straight away?




God saw me hungry, HE created pizza.
HE saw me thirsty, HE created Pepsi
HE saw me in dark, HE created light
HE saw me without problems, HE created YOU.

Fun340

Man discovered COLORS and invented PAINT; Woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

Man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION; Woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

Man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD; Woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

Man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE; Woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.

Man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY; Woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.

Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things... While women are still STUCK with shopping!!!






?Life is never so bad that it can?t be worse.?

Fun336

Two Different Perceptions...



1st

----

Fizaon Ke Badalne Ka Intezar Na Kar,

Aandhiyon Ke Rukne Ka Intezaar Na Kar,

Channel Badal Aur FTV Laga Le Bachcha,

ESPN Par Sania Ke Jhukne Ka Intezar Na Kar.





2nd

----

Kashti Toofan Se Nikal Sakti Hai,

Taqdeer Kisi Bhi Waqt Badal Sakti Hai,

Hausla Rakh, Channel Na Badal,

Sania Mirza Kisi Bhi Waqt Jhuk Sakti Hai

Fun337

A Software professional in Hell !





One politician, One thief & One Programmer died & went straight to hell.

Politician said "I miss my country. I want to call my country and see

how everybody is doing there." She called and talked for about 5 minutes,

then she asked "Well, devil how much do I need to pay for the call????

The devil says "Five million dollars".

The Politician wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.

Thief was so jealous! s, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the my group

members, I want to see how everybody is doing there too"

He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked "Well, devil

how much do I need to pay for the call????

The devil says "Ten million dollars".

With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.

Programmer was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call my IT friends too",

He called other IT person and he talked for twenty hours about various

technologies and Project Managers, he talked & talked & talked, then he

asked "Well, devil how much do I need to pay for the call????

The devil says "Twenty dollars".

Programmer is stunned & says "Twenty dollars??? Only ??"




Devil says




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"Calling hell to hell is local !!! "

Fun331

World's smallest Resignation Letter...

== ============================

Dear Sir,

I Love Your Wife.

Thank You
=============================