Relation19

The Perfect Murder

 

 

You don’t need guns or bombs to kill a man,

Consider the case of my friend and Suzanne,

Three steps is all it took for pretty little her,

To pull all of what’s called the perfect murder.

 

The first step was the hesitant glance,

Not a knife or an old rusted lance.

The look tore through my friend’s heart,

Just a charming look, no poisoned darts.

 

The second step was the silent yes,

In her mother’s old black college dress,

All she said was you are the one,

Just a yes, not even a shot from a gun.

 

The last step was the tearless goodbye,

But he was still not ready to die,

He bravely refused to be her kill,

Grasped for breath, his sweet poison pill.

 

So she did what she had to do,

She had to see the job through,

She released her weapon for the final blow,

The look in his dead eyes, I wish I could show.

A look of shock and a helpless plea,

The perfect weapon was she with me.

 

Relation26

Six Classic Affairs     

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The 1st Affair: 

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, 

they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. 

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside 

and rub them in the grass and dirt. 

He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my 

secretary. We loved all afternoon." 

"You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!" 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The 2nd Affair: 

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked 

about having a son. 

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. 

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. 

He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. 

Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling 

around behind my back?" 

The wife smiled sweetly and 

replied, "! Not this time!" 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The 3rd Affair: 

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a 

startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever 

seen! 

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician 

commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive 

private part. It must! be saved for posterity."

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. 

"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife, 

opening his briefcase.

"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!" 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The 4th Affair: 

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening 

the front door. 

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." 

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue." 

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. 

"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it 

so much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed. 

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a 

sandwich and a beer. 

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two 

days at the Smith's 

and nobody offered me a damned thing." 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The 5th Affair: 

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent." 

"One Cent?" the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and 

a bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," 

the barman replied. 

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" 

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" 

The bartender replied,

"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here." 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The 6th Affair: 

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess." 

"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, 

your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know, I already know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the 

poison work."

Six Classic Affairs 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Relation3

 

 

 

Love Marriage Arranged Marriage Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set of functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like. Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.     Family system hangs because hardware (called Parents ) is not responding. Compatible with hardware ( Parents). You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life. You are a team member under project leader (parents) so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life. Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc. All these features are covered in the SRS (System Req. Specification) as required features.     Love Marriage is like Windows, beautiful n seductive.... Yet one never knows when it will crash.... Arranged Marriage is like Unix .... boring n colorless... still extremely reliable n robust.

 

Relation17

 

MIStakes

If a barber makes a mistake, It's a   ... ... New Style

If a driver makes a mistake, It is an   ... Accident

If a engineer makes a mistake, It is a   ... New Venture

If parents makes a mistake, It is a   ... New generation

If a politician makes a mistake, It is a   ... New Law

If a scientist makes a mistake, It is a   … New Invention

If a tailor makes a mistake, It is a   ... New Fashion

If a teacher makes a mistake , It is a   ... New Theory

If our boss makes a mistake, It is our   ... Mistake

If an employee makes a mistake, It is a Mistake ...

 

Relation37

That’s Love   If you love some one because you think that he or she is really gorgeous ....then it's not love .. it's   "Infatuation"     If you love some one because you think that you shouldn't leave him because others think that you shouldn't ... then it's not love.. it's   "Compromise"     If you love some one because you have been kissed by him ... then it's not love.. it's   "Inferiority complex"     If you love some one because you cannot leave him thinking that it would hurt his feelings .. then it's not love .. it's   "Charity"     If you love some one because you share every thing with him ... then it's not love... it's    "Friendship"     BUT... If you feel the pain of the other person more than him even when he is stable and you cry for him ... that's     "LOVE"     If you get attracted to other people but stay with him without any regrets... that's     "LOVE"     If you let him go knowing that he has to go but he doesn't want to ... that's     "LOVE"

 

Relation33

Men on earth die and go to heaven. God comes and says," I want the men to form two queues one line for the men who dominated their women, and the other one for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines. The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one man.

God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made  me proud. Learn from him!
Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

 

 

Relation23

 A beautiful story

 

 

I request all of you to go through this nice REAL story. I always felt and feel that right guidance and support to our children can do wonders in their life. And we need to invest that for the initial 15 / 20 years and the dividend is lifelong.

  

As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of
school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at
her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was
impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a
little boy named Teddy Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did
not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that
he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant. It got
to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his
papers
with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at
the top of his papers.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review
each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, when
she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.

Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright child with a
ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners... he is a joy to
be around.."

His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent student, well
liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a
terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle."

His third grade teacher wrote, "His mother's death has been hard on
him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show much interest, and
his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken."

Teddy's fourth grade

teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't
show much
interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and he sometimes
sleeps in class."

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of
herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas
presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's.
His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from
a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the
other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a
rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was
one-quarter full of perfume . But she stifled the children's laughter when
she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some
of the perfume on he r wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed

after school that day
just long enough to say, "Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom
used to."

After the children left, she cried
for at least an hour. On that very
day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began
to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy.

As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she
encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had
become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that
she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her "teacher's
pets.."

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her
that she was the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote
that

he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the
best teacher he ever had in life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things
had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck
with it, and would
soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs.
Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in
his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he
explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little
further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite
teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer.... The letter was
signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.

The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter
that spring. Teddy said he

had met this girl and was going to be married. He
explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was
wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place
that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course,
Mrs.Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one
with
several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the
perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas
together.

They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's
ear, "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for
making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference."

Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said,
"Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could
make

a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you."

(For you that don't know, Teddy Stoddard is the Dr. at Iowa Methodist
in DesMoines that has the Stoddard Cancer Wing.)

  

 

Relation12

 

 

In the year 2026... Reunion!

"Class of 2026 - Reunion ", read the banner,

Oh! The last 20 years has gone so sooner,

The great college days, I started remembering,

Seems like only yesterday I finished Master degree.



Seeing my class mates, after 20 years,

My eyes were filled with tears,

Everyone has changed a lot,

No one escaped nature's plot.


Guys who were smart and handsome,

Have become bald and buxom,

Girls who used to fill our dreams,

Almost brought out screams.


Saw the girl, whom once I thought as my life,

Oops! today she is somebody else's wife,

After years, talked to her for a little while,

Learned she is happy, that made me smile.


Entered our class' Mr. Romeo,

Who has played many a cameo?

We started teasing him together,

About what all he did to-get-her,


Project reviews to campus interviews,

Nicknames to last bench games,

Cultural rehearsals to love proposals,

Short term crushes to class room blushes,

The way v wrote Internals �?��?��?�
 

Everything was fresh in our mind,

Wished life could rewind,

Laughed, played and rejoiced,

Once again we became girls and boys.


Chatting and laughing, we all were in elation,

Till the painful moment of separation,

It was time to part,

Returned with a heavy heart.

Today life is full of commitments,

And too many worries,

But those cherished moments,

Will live forever in our memories.... .

 

Relation27

The Perfect Husband...

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on
a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and
began to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather
coat. It's only Rs.1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005
models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "Rs7,00,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year
is back on the market. They're asking Rs.11,50,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 11,00,000. They
will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It
really
is a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"


MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."


The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him
in astonishment, mouths agape.....


He smiles and asks:



-

-

-

-

-

-

-

"Anyone knows who this mobile belongs to?"