How to frustrate your Doctor!
A man comes running to the doctor shouting and
screaming in pain "Please doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung
by a bee."
DOCTOR: "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."
MAN: "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."
DOCTOR: "No, you don't understand! I'll put some
cream on the place you were stung."
MAN: "Oh! It happened in the garden where I was
sitting under a tree."'
DOCTOR (in anger): "No, no, you IDIOT! I mean on which part of your body
did that bee sting."
MAN (still screaming in pain): "On my finger! The bee stung me on my
finger and it really hurts."
DOCTOR : "Ok.Which one?"
MAN (innocently): "How would I know? All bees look the same to me."
Cool30
Cool27
Try this.... Just Go to "Write Messages" in your mobile sms editor...
Activate T9 english dictionary...Then hide your screen with hand and type... 277451366514612382623 Now, remove your hand from the screen and read...Just try, its very interesting... ENJOYCool26
smile please
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
The road to success…….. is always under construction.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.
Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
Everyone has a scheme of getting rich….. which never works.
If at first you don't succeed…. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
***** 42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot. *****
As soon as you mention something…… if it is good, it is taken…. If it is bad, it happens.
He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late…… the bus is still late.
Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
If you have paper, you don't have a pen……. If you have a pen, you don't have paper…… if you have both, no one calls.
Especially for engg. Students----
If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
All PMT buses are crowded.
Corollary----- PMT buses in opposite direction always go empty.
The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.
If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
The last person to be fired or quit is responsible for all the errors until another person is fired or quits.
Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker ……………
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
The road to success…….. is always under construction.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.
Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
Everyone has a scheme of getting rich….. which never works.
If at first you don't succeed…. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
***** 42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot. *****
As soon as you mention something…… if it is good, it is taken…. If it is bad, it happens.
He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late…… the bus is still late.
Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
If you have paper, you don't have a pen……. If you have a pen, you don't have paper…… if you have both, no one calls.
Especially for engg. Students----
If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
All PMT buses are crowded.
Corollary----- PMT buses in opposite direction always go empty.
The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.
If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
The last person to be fired or quit is responsible for all the errors until another person is fired or quits.
Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker ……………
Cool28
THIRTY LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.
25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times
the memory.
27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
30.. I smile! because I don't know what the hell is going on.
Cool29
Try this.... Just Go to "Write Messages" in your mobile sms editor...
Activate T9 english dictionary...Then hide your screen with hand and type... 277451366514612382623 Now, remove your hand from the screen and read...Just try, its very interesting... ENJOYCool22
Day Cycle of Software Engineer
void main()
do
{
Morning may start with meditation for first few days then perhaps this activity is given up as one dont feel to get up early morning.
Brushing ! Yup an essential , but some people keep it optional.
Shaving again an optional thing but many prefer doing that.
..
..
..
..
A cool
Choice of clothes is best from the available wardrobe.
Full Speed se office.
Free Breakfast , Yummy (after all free hai)
Thodi chai/coffee ho jaye ( ye bhi to free hai )
Work starts with checking mails. Usually millions of FWDs and few personal friends. Only few ppl say that they get official mails (Fwds from mentors)
Ok lets login to Yahoo / Msn / ........ all possible available messengers. Time for Conferences( Group / Individual).
Parallely write code ( Replies to emails )
Ok enough , Let me start work.
Sudden appearance of Boss / TL. Damm ! why he has to talk to me !
Bad luck ! sara Impression pani me behe
Sometimes frustration may result in damage to CPU / MOUSE. Such events are rare but they may happen.
Right ?
Chalta hai yaar dekh lunga jaab permanent ho jaunga , Now let me work
Are , shayad mail Aaaya hai. Wow cool Fwd Sahi yaar, Let me too fwd them to all.
Yuppy ! Lunch Khao kaho yummy
Lunch ho
Check mails. Why the hell people dont mail me. Or is POP3 Server down. Check settings.
Yaar immediately kaun kaam shuru kare , let me chat.
( Some popular Chat Topics :
Tell other coleague/friends "I got lot of work yaar no time to chat"
Gossips : GF / BF
Plans for weekend movie/trip
)
Ok whats new on net , any new utility/virus , any convertor for free or if not free is a crack available. I must be updated to have a topic to speak at weekend in friends.
Enough chatting and browsing , back to work.
Baas ek coffee aur. Aaj coffee badiya hai ( Its always taste the same )
thoda recreate ho lete hai
( TT Championship 2005 )
aab aa hi gaya huun to jym bhi chalte hai Ek se kya hoga, Let me try more (More weights more muscles)
Canteen me ek chakkar maar hi lete hai.
Oops almost end of day Now let me work ( Create printout / photocopies of already available code & documents smart ha !)
Shit man , ye clock itni slow kyu hai. If i go before time then impression will be bad and everyone will come to know the truth.
Yes ! Ho
Make few important phone calls and few personal calls ( Muje kaunsa bill bharna hai ) "I am free"
Day over
Spend an hour out, have Dinner and
} while( ! one year over);
return Sal_Hike;
}
Cool24
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. 'Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.'
Watson replied, 'I see millions and millions of stars.'
Holmes: 'What does that tell you?'
Watson pondered for a minute. 'Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?'
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. 'Watson, you are positively stupid. Some rascal has stolen our tent!'
Cool25
Does Management know their Staff?
On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young
guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.
He approached the young man and calmly said to him,
How much do you earn?"
The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal
question,
he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2 000.00 a month, Sir. Why?"
Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and
removed $ 6000.00 cash And gave it to the young man and said, "Around here
I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is 3
months 'salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".
The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight. Noticing a Few
onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that applies for everybody in this company".
He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man that
I just fired?" To which an amazing reply came of, "He was the pizza delivery man, Sir...!!!"
Cool23
This is a true story from the Japanese Embassy in US!!!
A few years ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some
Basic English conversation training before he visits
The instructor told Mori "Prime Minister, when you
shake hand with President Clinton, please say 'how are
you'. Then Mr. Clinton should say," I'm fine, and
you?" No w you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we,
translators, will do all the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is....When Mori
met
of "How are you". Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but
still managed to react with humor: "Well, I'm Hilary's
husband, ha-ha...." Then Mori replied "Me too,
ha-ha.."
Then there was a long silence in the meeting room
Isnt that funny??
J
Good morning!!
Cool21
This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And,you will keep
Trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your
Foot. But you can
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor
And make clockwise circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your
Right hand.. Your foot will change direction!!!
Cool12
MINDless THOUGHTS
If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.
l Practice makes perfect.....
l But nobody's perfect......
l so why practice?
l If it's true that we are here to help others,
l then, what exactly are the others here for?
l Since light travels faster than sound,
l people appear bright until you hear them speak.
l Money is not everything.
l There's Mastercard & Visa.
l One should love animals.
l They are so tasty.
l Save water.
l Shower with your girlfriend.
l Love thy neighbor.
l But don't get caught.
l Behind every successful man, there is a woman.
l And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
l Every man should marry.
l After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
l The wise never marry.
l and when they marry they become otherwise.
l Love is photogenic
l It needs darkness to develop
l Children in backseats cause accidents
l Accidents in backseats cause children
l "Your future depends on your dreams"
l So go to sleep
l There should be a better way to start a day
l than waking up every morning
l "Hard work never killed anybody"
l But why take the risk !
l "Work fascinates me"
l I can look at it for hours !
l God made relatives;
l Thank God we can choose our friends.
l When two's company,
l three's the result !
l A dress is like a barbed fence
l It protects the premises without restricting the view
l The more you learn, the more you know,
l The more you know, the more you forget
l The more you forget, the less you know
l So.. why learn.
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